Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Tuesday - entry 2

Well I have to say that I am very pleased with myself - have just had a phone call from school asking me to collect Kaitlin as she isn't feeling well. Now K is slightly different to other children that we know - she always wants to go to school (she is in year 8) and it is very seldom that she is sick. So - panic stations - what is wrong with her. Anyway, out to school to get her and it is her tummy that is sore. Take her home and give her something to 'get her going' again. Opened and shut the grocery cupboard I don't know how many times before finally closing it and coming back to work - without the comfort food in my stomach that I so badly wanted - woooo-bloody-hooooooooooooooo !!! I CAN DO IT - I CAN DO IT !!!!! (i.e. say no to food if I want to !!!) I know it is a small battle but one that I feel if I win often enough I will be able to make sub-consciously and not land up eating things from habit (like last night !!!)
Have a great day every one and take care !

Oopsie daisie

SW : 86.1kg
CW : 72.9kg
Loss this week : 0.5kg
Total loss : 13.2kg

When I got on the scale and saw that I had lost 0.5 I was a little disappointed to start with – then I remembered that 0.5 was actually my goal for each week and so I got off the scales feeling much better – only 0.9 to go to get to my goal for holiday – whether that will happen or not – I don’t know, but if I don’t try, I will NEVER know !!!
The oopsie daisie is for the Curly Wurly, the Caramello Koala, the 4 squares of nut chocolate and the 5 chocolate digestive biscuits which I ate yesterday / last night – on top of the fajitas which we had for dinner !!!! Am not really sure what happened – I had the CW and CK in the afternoon and, although they took me over my sugar points for the week I was still within my points for the day and I was okay with having them as I really felt like them.
Then we went to work – big mix up there with the load as per usual for a Monday night and we left at midnight which was just as well as I was feeling really awful. Got home and before I knew it, I had eaten the chocolate and the biscuits – did it make me feel any better – NO, did I REALLY enjoy eating them – NO, do I know why I did – NO, will I do that again – maybe !!! I think the worst thing was that it was over before I even knew it had happened – it was almost like – Well I am feeling really yucky and I always eat what I want when I feel like this – and before I knew it, it was down my throat – what happened ?????? I don’t know but I have decided not to beat myself up over it. It’s gone, it’s over and I need to move on. I am feeling lousy this morning but said to Al that I don’t feel sick enough to stay at home but feel lousy to come into work. Am here now so will see what I can get done and then maybe go home early.
Take care everyone and have a great day !

TFTD : Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Am I sick ????

Got to work this morning and the bosses are back but their offices are a bit of a mess as the builders were in over the weekend knocking walls down and they haven’t finished what they were supposed to have finished – anyway, doesn’t affect our office so am not too worried.
But, sat down to work and after having my required 1L of water before having a DP – I opened the DP and the first taste was awful – my first thought was – I must be sick (because you know how nothing tastes right when you are sick) – but now, a few more mouthfuls into the drink it is starting to taste like it should. Oh no, have I got to the point where water tastes better than DP ??????????????
Feeling a bit bloated today – am not too sure why as I was down on my points yesterday although it was so cold and windy at Paradise Point my idea of the BBQ was good just the timing was out !!! Will have to do it earlier in the day when we do it again as it was a little too miserable to be totally enjoyable. I didn’t eat as much as I could have as it was warmer to keep my hands in my pockets rather than take them out to eat !!!! But, it got us out the house for a while and K had a great time in the playground. I pushed her on the swings for a while and then she was sitting on the see-saw and I was using my legs to be the other side for her – she made sure to tell me to swop legs so that I didn’t only work the one leg !!!
No, having now finished the can of DP I can definitely say that I still think that DP tastes better than water !!
I will be off to weigh tonight although am a little apprehensive about what the scales will say – the good thing is that I have done the best that I can and maybe I am getting to the space where the scales aren’t the be all and end all and if I am fitting into clothes better I will be happy with whatever they say. (Well I like to think that I am there but I probably am not so I do hope that the scale gods are good to me tonight !!)
Had been thinking that I would stay for the meeting tonight but have just heard from Al that we are working 8-1am so won’t be able to stay anyway. Thank goodness for all of you and your journals – I think that it one of the reasons why I have got as far as I have this time – there is always plenty of inspiration for me out there if I haven’t managed to stay for the meeting and I can get it every day – not only on a Monday night !!!!!!
Take care everyone and have a great day - you all rock !

TFTD : How many a (wo)man has thrown up his(er) hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience, would have achieved success ?

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Quick update

Another great weekend under my belt !! Had a good day yesterday with good choices - didn't get the water thing happening at all but then that has always been a problem for me. Kaitlin and I had a lovely morning at Runaway Bay - had muffins when we arrived and then went girl shopping as Al decided to stay at home and finish getting the new taps in.
Well I bought myself a new pair of jeans and Kaitlin some underwear - she definitely takes after me - I love getting new underwear !!! Then we did some grocery shopping, went to drop a CD with my folks, popped in to see my sister-in-law and came home to have some fresh breadrolls for lunch.
Al battled most of the day to make a new frame for the vanity in K's bathroom as it has all rotted from the water leak but in the end I said that maybe it would be easier for us to price a new cabinet which we went to do this morning. Bunnings didn't have quite what we need but we found a picture on one of their brochures so they are going to phone for a price tomorrow and get back to us - hopefully it won't be too expensive.
In the afternoon I made the diet coke chicken with butternut, broccoli, cauliflower and rice so we ate before we went to work at 5.45. Got home and had a WW apple dessert before falling asleep with K on the couch.
We are off to have a BBQ at Paradise Point this afternoon - the weather is just so beautiful today I thought it would be good to get outside so bought hamburgers to have for late lunch / early dinner. A & K will probably get some chips from the fish and chip shop over the road and I may have some - see how I am feeling.
Oh yes, managed to get a work out on the gym yesterday as well as my 3 hours of packing exercise - felt so good when I was finished as I also did some of the pilates exercises.
I made some butternut soup yesterday and have just had some to keep me going until we get to PP later - it tastes a little tart - does anyone know what I can add to get rid of that taste or tell me what I did wrong in the first place ?
Well, one load of washing has just finished so had better be off to hang that out and get the next couple going before we leave - take care everyone and enjoy what is left of your weekend !

TFTD : Being the best that you can be is possible only if your desire to be a champion is greater than your fear of failure.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Friday - part 2

Pleased to say that I made it home this evening with only having had some diet Pepsi at the work function. It was so good to catch up with some of the people that we just don't get a chance to talk during our working day. I made sure that I stayed far away from the eats tables and just drank my drink. Meant to have a trusty nut bar before I went but forgot (then thought that I couldn't have been that hungry otherwise I wouldn't have forgotten !!!) and came home a short while ago only to find that Al thought I was getting Subway on the way home ! So quick trip out to Subway and I am sitting on 15 points for the day - woohooooo !!!!
Am really looking forward to my muffin tomorrow morning (already !!!! How sad is that ??? Mind you, I think that sometimes the anticipation of an event is almost as good as the event - or is that just me being strange ??) When Kaitlin phoned me at work to tell me that she was home and, after telling me about her soccer match said "Mom, I can't wait for our muffins tomorrow morning" - maybe it is something in the air / water this week !!!!
Well no gym tonight but I am not too fussed about it - am off to work shortly so that is some exercise. Also couple of things happening at home and it is a little hard right now.
Gotta love this feeling of me controlling what I eat and not the situation controlling me and what I eat !
Take care everyone and have a great weekend !

A point in time

It seems to me as though there comes a point in time when everything starts to fall into place. I am so pleased to say that I feel like I am at that point right now – my clothes are definitely getting too big for me, my legs are looking slimmer, my rings are too big, my watch keeps falling around my wrist and, although I haven’t put a swimming costume on, I am sure that I would be able to wear one with some boardies or sarong over when we are walking around, or just my togs when we want to have a swim.
I have decided that although I would like the scales to say 72kg when we leave, I would be happy to leave just knowing that I wasn’t going away on holiday weighing 86.1kg which is what I weighed in at my heaviest (except when I was pregnant nearly 14 years ago !!)
I was walking around at lunch time yesterday and realized that my bangles (which I just love to wear) are now sitting uncomfortably over my hand. They are the reason I went back to WW – I have 6 x 25g half round bangles, separated by a twisted bangle – at 86.1kg I couldn’t get them on and off my hands without using soap, cream, a lot of twisting and turning and even more swearing under my breath. Picking my folks up from the airport became a mission as they (the bangles, not my folks !!) would set the alarm off and I would be asked to take them off – of course I couldn’t get them off so there was always an issue about letting me through but as they only came over once a year I could deal with it and told the airport people they didn’t come off and they could scan me with the hand held. Then when we got the job packing shelves at Coles, I had to take them off each night as they would catch on the shelves and were going to get damaged I had to do something about my weight as every night my hands would be soooooo sore and red. Of course, once I had lost a couple of kgs it was a lot easier for them to come off and so the yo-yoing continued – until now – when I decided that I am doing this for the last time. Each time I have to lose the same kilos it gets harder and harder so this time I am going to lose them once and for all.There is something else that I have noticed whilst reading other journals – there are so many people who look at photos of what they used to look like and say “I would love to look like that” but, when they think back, when they did look like that they thought they were fat. It is so sad that our perception of ourselves is so screwed that we can’t see ourselves as we really are. I have come to accept that I will never be the weight I was when I got married (45kg) – nor will I ever be a 50’s girl again BUT as long as I love myself for how I look and make healthy choices in my lifestyle I am a winner – who cares if I don’t weigh 58kg – I don’t (well at least I hope I won’t) because I think that it is more important that we lead healthy lives and teach our families about living a healthy life. Yes, there will be times when I want to eat junk food – I will probably tell myself that I NEED the junk food, but then it is about getting back to the healthy choices and not allowing one bad choice meal, turn into a bad choice day turn into a bad choice week.

I did manage to get my gym session in last night but didn't get out for a walk - oh well, there is always tonight !
I jumped on the scales this morning and was 71.8kg - now, I am not sure if I can get excited about that or if I have to wait for the WW scales to say 72kg (or less) !!!!!! Think, that if I am honest with myself I, need for the WW scales to say I am 72kg before I can say I have achieved my mini goal before going on holiday. (Of course, if I get to be desperate dan before we leave I will take WHICHEVER scales say I am 72kg - so don't be worried if you see a lady running down the street knocking on doors asking if I can try their scales out !!!!)
Take care everyone - have a great weekend and don't forget to be good to yourself - you deserve it !!!

TFTD : Why do we close our eyes when we sleep ? When we cry ? When we imagine ? When we kiss ? This is because the most beautiful thing in the world is unseen.

PS - we have got drinks after work tonight - must make sure that they will have some diet cold-drinks so I don't start the weekend on the wrong foot !!!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Is that a collarbone I see ?????

Well – my new computer is in and was working quite fine – I had a whole blog done in Word (as someone had previously suggested), as I was typing in bits and pieces when waiting for reports to run etc BUT of course hadn’t saved it when my PC just switched itself off – bugger !!!!!
Will try to remember what I wrote – oh yes – Go the Maroons !!! What a great game that was. Watched up until Qld scored their try and then had to go to work. Was really angry as we had asked to work earlier so that we could get home and watch the game and they were going to get back to us – needless to say nobody did so we worked 9-12 then dashed home to watch the second half on tape. I was fuming at work and all I could think about were the biscuits that I had bought earlier (why I bought them – I don’t know !!!!!). They asked us to stay back but we said we couldn’t and in the last ½ hour I got to thinking about what I would accomplish by demolishing a packet of biscuits - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING – except to undo the hard work that I have done and make me feel really lousy. So I landed up having a Diet Pepsi and my trusty nut bar. Al had coffee and biscuits but didn’t offer me any for which I was very grateful as I don’t know if I could have said No thanks !!!!
On to this morning – when I woke up I went through to the bathroom and was looking in the mirror – are those collarbones I could see ? Yes, they definitely are – WOOHOOOOO – don’t know when last I saw those !!!! Anyway, that was enough to keep me motivated (and the thought of having to wear a bathing costume in a few weeks time) and stay on track. I have had just over 1L of water so far today and am hoping that I will get close to 2L by the end of the day.
I was very disappointed with myself last night – got home, went and did the shopping, came home and did dinner and only when I was eating did a realize that I hadn’t had my session on the gym – by that time they were doing the lead up to the game and so I didn’t do anything about it. But, have made a mental note to myself that I am going to get home, get dinner on the go, use the gym and then finish dinner off so that we can eat. If Al decides to have his normal nap after dinner before we go to work I think I will try to get out and have a bit of a walk this evening – hopefully this all comes together. I would really love to be 72kg when we go on holiday (well at least when we drive out the driveway – am not sure how long it will last once we are on the road !!)
This is definitely shorter than the one I had earlier but can’t think of what else I had written – if I do I will have another entry.
Take care everyone and have a great day !

TFTD : We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But, we can decide what happens in us – how we can take it, what we do with it – and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty – that, is the test of living.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Nothing exciting

There really isn't too much that has happened since yesterday. I did get to pilates last night and as there was only two of us the lady gave us a real good work out - it was such a good feeling when I walked home. She did things with us that we don't normally do which was great - I could feel it this morning when I woke up - to me that is always a good indicator of how hard I have worked - how sore I am the next day !!!!
Managed to get nearly all 2L of water down yesterday - am very proud of myself for every day that I get more than 1L into me - wish the challenge was to get 2L of Diet Pepsi into your system each day instead of water !!!!
Al did a chicken stir fry last night which was great - they had rice with theirs but I didn't. Then when we were watching CSI I had a WW apple and cinnamon pudding - yummy !!! Will definitely be getting some more of those for my sweet cravings and even better when we entertain - that was I can control exactly how big my portion of dessert is !!!!
I am supposed to be getting my new computer this afternoon so if you don't hear from me for a couple of days you will know why - our IT dept are definitely not one of the best that I have worked with so something which shouldn't take more than a couple of hours could very easily take a couple of days (or in some cases, a couple of weeks !!!) Will try to post from home if I have too many troubles at work - if I can find the time !!!!
In case there are any origin supporters out there - GO THE MAROONS !!!!!!

TFTD : It is one of the beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to be kind to another, without helping himself.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Woohoooo 1.7kg loss

SW : 86.1kg
CW : 73.4kg
GW : 67kg
Total loss : 12.7kg

Well, as you can see I am very excited about the loss last night – definitely makes up for the small loss last week !!!! If only I could get my exercise sorted out – then I would be really happy.
At this rate I am on track for my 72kg weight before we go to Barrier Reef – only 3 more weigh in’s but if I really pull finger I might be able to do it. Had a dreadful thought on Sunday morning – I don’t want to have to lose it all again when I get back from our holiday !!!! Uuuurrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhh ! Just when I am doing so well – when I mentioned this to Al he just said, never mind, we will just have to step up our exercise when we are away !!
I didn’t manage to get all 2L of water in yesterday – after feeling so much thinner in the morning, by the end of the day I was feeling very bloated and uncomfortable and wondered whether I should go to weigh at all. I am SOOOO glad that I did.
Have a great day everyone – take care and look after yourselves.

TFTD : In each day ahead I wish for you a rainbow whose colours are bright with hope, a flower whose fragrance is made of joy, and a dream whose promise always shines in your heart.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Entry 2 for today

Jonathan Livingston Seagull – I don’t know if any of you have read this book – it isn’t very big (or long) and took me about 20 minutes to read BUT I will be going back and re-reading it as I know I didn’t take in all the messages there were the first time I read it. It is an amazing story about practice, believing in yourself and your abilities, and helping others. We don’t have to be limited in our expectations of ourselves – just because something has always been like that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t change it. I know that this applies to work places when you start somewhere new and you question why things are done a certain why – the most annoying thing is a reply “Because it’s always been done this way”. This also definitely applies to our eating habits and life styles – we didn’t get to be overweight by doing the right things – it was because we made bad choices (for whatever reasons) and we need to look to others (WW meetings, on-line support networks, friends, family etc) for advice on how to change our lives around so that we can be the healthy people we deserve to be.
I think that this support network is just like Jonathan – the people who have achieved their goals are helping those of us still struggling along. There are times when we just take the advice of people because we don’t know any better and then find out that, yes, that does work for us but there are also times when it doesn’t work for us, and, in those instances we should be looking for alternative advice until we find what is right for us. It is important to remember that we are all individuals and what works for one will not necessarily work for someone else BUT you will never know what will work for you until you try it.

I feel thinner now ...

(sung to the tune of "I feel better now" from the Medibank ad !!) Woke up this morning feeling thinner – maybe it is because this weekend I pulled on my size 14 jeans AND THEY FITTED (and I could sit down in them too) so proudly wore them to my brother and sister-in-laws place for dinner on Saturday night. It's amazing how having control makes you feel so positive and so confident about what you can achieve - where is that bottle so I can keep it on hand for when I don't feel so positive !!! (Like maybe tonight after I have weighed !!!!)
Our plans from Friday changed when our friends couldn’t make it to afternoon tea and we went to my in-laws for dinner instead of them coming to us. Made good choices when I was there – no nibblies (it is so hard to stop once you get started on the chips / biscuits and dip) and then chicken, some salad and a little potato bake with a small slice of break and some butter scraped on. Heather had an apple cake from the local French bakery with cream / ice-cream. All I could think about was that sitting on my thighs and I said no ! I know that I could have had some but really didn’t feel like it – before I would have had at least one helping just because it was there and I knew that if I really felt like some I would have had some and still been within my points for the day and my sugar points for the week.
Yesterday we took my folks to Southbank to see the markets and then caught up with our friend whose husband has leukaemia – it was great to see her for a while although Kim still isn’t doing very well. She is an absolute star and is coping well under the circumstances. Dad bought us all a NZ ice-cream – we all had the choco-lite cone – it really is such yummy ice-cream ! Then I had Subway for lunch and last night when we got home Al was talking about pizza – I luuuuuuuuuuuuv pizza but didn’t have enough points. So then he said that they wouldn’t have and I said that it wasn’t fair that they didn’t have something because I couldn’t have it and that I was happy to have a WW frozen meal and they could have the pizza. So that was what we did – I didn’t even really want some when they brought it home – Al heated my meal up so that it was ready when they got home and we all ate together so I didn’t have to really sit there and watch them eat the pizza while I had nothing. Then when we were watching NCIS I had a couple of those little Mars Lite bars which I keep in the freezer – much better than having had the apple cake the night before !!!!!
I finished the AJ Rochester book – it made such good reading and she really does put a lot of things into perspective. Won’t get into that now as this is long enough already but if you get a chance to read it – take the time – you will get so much out of it. The one thing which came through strongly for me – like her, I have a bit of the absolutes – I am 100% committed to being good or to being dreadful !!!! Not much middle ground for me – something which I am slowly changing. Just because you ate something you shouldn’t have, doesn’t mean you can’t get back onto the healthy way of eating straight away – one bad choice does not have to turn into a huge binge !!!! Certainly something to make me think about what I do the next time I make a bad choice !!

TFTD : Destiny is not a matter of change, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Another weekend upon us

Thank goodness it is Friday because I don't know if I would have been able to get through any more days at work !! My boss, who is actually a good friend of mine as this is the third company where we have worked together, is driving me mad today. Luckily she is off to Fiji with her boss for the whole of next week - what a peaceful office we will have !!!!
I have been dreadful with my water today - have only had 2 glasses - but I have had a can of DP and am busy drinking a 600ml bottle now !! Just couldn't face the thought of water today.
Points wise I have had a great week - ate my full points for the day yesterday - very unusual for me. Having said that I ate my full points yesterday, when I jumped on the scales this morning I was up from yesterday morning BUT I am not going to let that worry me as I know that it is just a 'volume of food consumed' thing and not an actual gain.
I am still trying to finish AJ's book - we worked a long shift again last night and so I couldn't read for too long - Al was fast asleep by the time I switched the light off but the good thing was I didn't take too long to fall asleep myself (not sleeping is one of the problems that I have and so for me to get more than 3-4 hours sleep a night is absolute bliss !)
I have got a curry chicken stir fry for tonight with veggies and noodles for Al and Kaitlin (I won't have the noodles as there are other things I would rather eat than use my points on noodles !!!) - tomorrow we were having friends around for afternoon tea but they can't make it now so it is just Al's brother (Danny) and sister-in-law (Heather) who will be coming for dinner. Think we will do a BBQ so that will be easy - now that it is cooler in the evenings I will just do a whole lot of different veggies with the meat and maybe some fresh rolls (H is also on WW) rather than salads which I really don't enjoy. Will have some WW desserts for us and will make a hot pudding for the guys and K.
On Sunday we are planning to take my folks to Brisbane to the Southbank markets to see if that is somewhere where they could maybe sell their placemats, tablecloths etc and we are also hoping to catch up with friends of ours Andrea and Kim - Kim has leukaemia and had a bone marrow transplant last year - he isn't doing very well at the moment and has had 3 heart attacks in the past couple of weeks. Andrea is coping as well as she can but we haven't seen them for ages and it would be lovely to see them again.
I am planning to have a great weekend food wise - will be getting onto the gym tonight before cooking dinner and then will definitely be on it at least once if not twice over the weekend. Yesterday morning when I woke up I could feel that I had definitely been doing something with muscles I had forgotten about - when I moved my arms to put my jumper on I knew all about it but today they are much better ! Long live the gym !!!!
Take care everyone - have a great weekend and remember to be good to yourselves - you deserve it !!!!!

TFTD : Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Exercise .....

Last night I got home from the hair dresser and Al had started veggies to go with the left overs we took out the freezer (didn’t know what we were going to be having as I couldn’t make out what it was in it’s frozen state !!!) – I landed up with a tomato chicken dish and Al and Kaitlin had beef stroganoff. BUT, before I had dinner, I jumped onto the gym and had a session on there – I was so pleased that I had not only because that was my goal for the day, but because it made me feel so good about myself !
We have to go down to Robina to the chiropractor this evening and while I was working last night I was thinking that maybe I could get up 40 minutes earlier this morning so that I can have a work out as we won’t have time tonight. Then we landed up with a long shift and so only got home at 1.10am which means I only got into bed at about 1.45 by the time I had had a shower and something to drink. THEN I read until 2.30am – all thanks to Paulene’s recommendation of AJ Rochester’s book – Confessions of a Reformed Dieter (not the specific one she read but another one as I haven’t been able to get the one Paulene read yet). I couldn’t put it down – Al kept on telling me the time and telling me to put the light off !!!!
Now even if I had not been reading I don’t think I would have been able to get up 40 minutes earlier and I didn’t because my thoughts last night went as follows :
I battle to get up in the mornings because I am always so tired
I know that I won’t be able to exercise tonight (structured exercise) but I DID get an extra hour of packing done last night so that should could towards some exercise
I am not going to beat myself up because I have to miss an evening’s session of exercising as I am looking after my body by taking myself off to have my spine and neck adjusted / corrected so that I feel better for the next couple of weeks
So, unless something happens and we cancel our appointment tonight – I will not be exercising tonight and I will be fine with that because tomorrow night I will be able to continue.
I drank another 2L yesterday – this is really catchy and although I don’t think I will ever be someone who chooses water over Diet Pepsi, I am finding that the water isn’t that bad to get through so long as I ration myself and only have a DP once I have had at least 1L of water.
Al is off to see the knee specialist today – I hope he can do something for him. Before we left South Africa Al saw the best knee guy in Durban and he said if Al was about 20 – 25 years older he would definitely do a knee replacement operation, but, because he was only about 30, there was nothing that he could do. Al is now 42 and his knee is even worse and there are some days when he really has to hobble around because it is so sore – I really hope that the guy today can do something for him.
I have had to take off the ring I usually wear on my little finger as it has got too big and last night I noticed that my watch now keeps swinging around and facing down the wrong way – wooooohhooooooooooooooo – this means I am winning (or should that be losing ????????) – long may it continue !!!!
Al just phoned to say that, because he is too young (42 !!!!) there isn’t much the specialist can do except re-break his leg and set it straight !!!! He broke his leg about 4 weeks before we got married and had a cast on for nearly 2 years soooooooo the thought of having to go through all that again is not something either of us are looking forward to. The specialist told him to try some tablets for two months and then go back and he would make a decision on how best to tackle the problem. Oh well – could be worse, they could have said they have to break both legs !!!!! He is off to have a full leg x-ray and they will use that to work out the angles etc that are out that need to be fixed to help his knee – hopefully they will be able to help him – he is such a love and I am going to hate seeing him not able to do things for himself and relying on others for most things. Will let you know how it all goes later down the track.
Well I have had this open at work and just added to it when I have thought of something or had a chance –hence the length !!! I am off to lunch now.
Take care, look after yourselves and be good !

TFTD : There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it’s hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Another good day

Well after feeling really miserable earlier this week I am back to feeling in control and on top of the world (hate this roller coaster ride that happens - must try to even it out a little) - yesterday I managed to get in my 2L of water - which is just bloody fantastic for me ! I hve had just over 1 1/2L today so am sure that I will be able to get the other 500ml down before tonight.
I was thinking earlier that I would love to be able to bottle my 'high and in control' feeling so that I could take it out and inhale / drink / eat some when I am feeling down (a bit like the new car smell - imagine if we could get something to spray in the car so that it always smelt like a new car !!!! I digress again !!!!!!). But, seeing as that isn't possible, I will take the support, encouragement, motivation and inspiration from all you wonderful people and use that to lift me up when I am feeling like 'is this all really worth is' - in my head I know that it is - it is just that sometimes my heart doesn't feel quite the same !!!!
I went to lunch with some friends today - was banking on being able to have a 6" sub but we landed up at a coffee shop instead so I had some pumpkin soup - I didn't feel like a salad and their sandwiches were absolutely huge. As I am on a 17 point day I didn't want to use too many points up on lunch - does anyone have an idea of the point value of pumpkin soup -- I am sure that there isn't just pumpkin in there so thought if I counted 5 points I should be right.
Well, this isn't getting my month end reconciliations done - take care everyone, be good to yourselves and have a great day !
This may not be the most appropriate for all of us trying to lose weight, but I think that it certainly gives us something to think about on how we are living our lives !!!

TFTD : Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

I faced the scale

and was rewarded with a 0.3 loss - now I know (to take from someone else's blog) a loss is a loss is a loss BUT, IT ISN"T ENOUGH !!!! All that hard work for 0.3kg. Of course when I got home K was so excited that I had ANOTHER loss and told me that it was better than a gain - why oh why is this taking so long and such hard work. I am sure that everyone reading this feels the same - this is the place where I can whinge away and then get over it !!! Thanks guys !
SW : 86.1kg
CW L 75.1kg
GW : 67kg
Total loss : 11kg
I was going to speak to my leader about the difference in the scales (mine showed I had stayed the same from last week) but she wasn't in and the leader who fills in for her is really ditzy so I didn't land up staying. I was down to 74.4 (on my scales and 75.1 on WW scales) last night probably as a result of the dried apricots and 2L, yes you read right, 2L of water that I drank yesterday - cleaned the system right out (too much info I know - that was probably all my loss was anyway !!!). I have had just over 1L today - Al is now pouring me a glass of water to have with my breakfaast so that gets one lot of 375ml down before I even leave the house.
Thanks to all of you, I am not going to toss it all in because of a small loss when I expected a bigger loss, but will continue to see if maybe there is a bigger loss waiting for me next week. I was thinking about what someone had said about taking measurements (don't know when I last did that) and also listening to what people are saying about my weight loss - well they aren't saying anything - nobody has commented on the fact that I have lost 11kg - maybe because it is over such a long time nobody has really noticed - I don't know. But, what I do know is this, I started this weight loss journey FOR ME and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - this is for me - to make me feel good about myself, to get some confidence in myself and be able to walk into stores and pick the clothes I want in the size that will fit, for me to be healthier and live longer and to be able to walk tall because I feel good. So, it is back to the grindstone again - planning as best I can, making more effort to fit in the exercise that I need and not make excuses about why I can't exercise, continuing to track whatever is put into my mouth and to stay focused on the mini goals I have set myself so that I don't lose my way while trying to aim too far into the future.
Take care everyone, be good and have a great day !

TFTD : It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Oh no .....

the "scale gods" are out to get me !!! I jumped (well stepped is probably closer to the truth!) onto the scales this morning only to find that they are up 0.8 from yesterday. After only having 1 little piece of birthday cake (which I counted into my points for the day and my sugar points for the week) and a couple of Smarties (same story there) I have to say that I was more than a little disappointed. I know that having clothes that are getting looser / too big for me and people telling me how much I have lost do go a long way towards making me feel okay with what the scales say BUT I SO WANT to see the result ON THE SCALES as well !!! I think what makes it even worse is that this is the first week in three that I haven't sabotaged my journey - so I am "not happy Jan" - will wait to see what the scales say tonight although with the differences I have had to my scales at home I am definitely not holding my breath that I am going to show anything but a gain there. What else is there to do but continue with what I am doing and hope that it shows up somewhere down the track. I have even had just over 1L if water this morning when I am very pleased about.
I need to get back into using the gym at home - my back has been killing me this weekend and I think that using the gym was definitely helping to strengthen my back muscles and prevent the sore backs I have been having for so long now. (Mental note to self - get organised and plan to fit it in rather than just hoping to find the time to use the gym)
As you can imagine, after her big weekend, Kaitlin was rather grumpy this morning when I woke her up to go to school and asked if she could stay at home because she was tired - yeah right like I would let her not go to school if she wasn't sick. She is very sad that we don't have 'catch up' days in our household - seems like her friends can have 'catch up' days at home when they don't feel like going to school !!!!!
Well am off to carry on working and then off to weigh tonight - will let you know how I went when I journal tomorrow. Take care, have a great week and be good to yourself - you are all special and deserve to be treated as such !

TFTD : If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

I survived

the teenage sleepover ! I think that the fact that they all slept over at one of the girls' houses the previous night meant they were all ready to go to sleep when we said it was later enough !!! They have all been really well behaved and it has been a pleasure having them - more chance that they will be invited back for another sleep over in the future !!!

Points wise I had a great day yesterday - as Kaitlin was with her friends and Al was helping his brother change a gate around, I went off for my weekly muffin fix by myself with my book ! I bumped into my parents at the centre to landed up having muffins with them - even better than sitting there and reading my book !!

Then popped in to see Al and when he was finished we came home - did a weeks worth of washing as I hadn't had a chance to do any during the week - Al cut the grass and before we knew it the girls had arrived. We chatted for quite a while with them - they had had a great evening the night before. While we were talking I got the lollies and chips our for them but I was very pleased to have low point alternatives for me. We worked from 5-8 instead of the normal 6-9 and then got some Subway on the way home as my folks had got some pizza for themselves and the girls earlier in the evening. They had cut the birthday cake and left us 1/4 cake - I had a little piece and was pleased that there wasn't any more to eat otherwise I would have been really tempted - it was a lovely light cake.

We watched a DVD when they woke up this morning and then they had pancakes for breakfast - I had the other half of my Subway and am taking that as a brunch meal ! I have also had a glass of water which for me is a step in the right direction as I only normally drink water at work.

We will be doing the taxi run just now to get everyone home and then I will be going to my folks place to help them unpack - their container arrived this week and they have spent the past three days trying to find place for the stuff they brought over !

Take care everyone, enjoy your Sunday and be good.

TFTD : There is no thrill in easy sailing when the skies are clear and blue, there's no joy in merely doing things which anyone can do. But there is some satisfaction that is might sweet to take, when you reach a destination that you thought you'd never make.

Friday, May 13, 2005

One sleep to the weekend

Thank you for all the good wishes for Kaitlin for her birthday – she was amazed when I told her about all the people who had asked me to say Happy Birthday to her ! I wasn’t, because I have come to know what a wonderful bunch of people you all are.

We had a lovely evening at Arundel Tavern – I had grilled fish with some veggies and a salad (which I didn’t eat because I don’t really like salads unless they are covered in mayonnaise !) and they brought the cake to the table with sparklers and candles on – it was just lovely. I didn’t have any cake saying that I would have some when we got home from work this morning but really just wanting to save my sugar points for the weekend as that seems to be the time when I need them the most – during the week I seem to be OK now that I don’t have biscuits for morning tea but on the weekend my sweet tooth seems to appear from somewhere.

I have had 1L of water so far today and am hoping to have at least another ½L before this evening – I would much rather have had some diet pepsi, I have to say !

We have the sleepover tomorrow night plus we have to try to get Kaitlin’s room back to normal now that the carpet has finally dried – thank goodness there isn’t too much of a stink – I don’t think she would have been too impressed having her friends around and having a stinky carpet in her bedroom !!!

I am off to get a 6” subway for lunch today – I must say that I have been sitting here just about drooling thinking about it and can just taste that fresh roll already !! We have had a bad week for packed lunches this week – at least I am able to make good choices from the places around us so between sushi and Subway I have done OK. Roll on Monday night for my next weigh-in !!

Have a great weekend everyone and take care whatever you are doing !

TFTD : You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Some stats

Leigh asked if I had any stats to put on my page - I will put them on as soon as I have the time and find out how to !

In the meantime - these are my stats :

Age - 39
Height - 167cm
SW - 86.1kg
CW - 75.4kg
GW - 67kg
PGW - 65kg
How many times have I got to goal weight - too many to remember
How many times have I put all the weight I lost back on (plus more) - too many to remember + 1
How many more times am I going to have to go down that road - NONE - this is my last time and when it is off I am going to keep it off

I weigh on a Monday night at WW but do weigh myself every day at home on an electronic WeighLess scale which I have checked with boxes of washing powder so I know it is right.

My structured exercise each week is an hour of pilates on a Tuesday but have heaps of incidental exercise packing shelves at Coles between 4 to 6 nights (3 to 5 hours per night) of the week.

Onto my day - we woke up 45 minutes earlier this morning for Kaitlin's birthday - she was already awake - a rare occurrence in our household !!! She was very pleased with the presents we had bought for her - she knew about some of the clothes which we bought when we were in Sydney but did manage to get some things which she didn't know about - of course we spoilt her because I had forgotten about presents I had bought previously and hidden away until I was wrapping them at 1am and Al said "What about the bag ? What about the book ?" and then I had to go and try to find where I had hidden them.

Al made her French toast for breakfast (her request) and then was very happy when she asked if she could have tuck money for lunch as he normally makes lunches for all of us. So, because she got tuck money I didn’t get my usual sandwich and had to go and buy something. Luckily there is a good sushi place close to where I work so I got some sushi for 4 points (my usual sandwich is 3 points) and it wasn’t raining at lunch time so I could go out to buy it otherwise it would have been something out the machine – not good choices in there !! This leaves me with enough points for my dinner tonight at the restaurant where we are going. Al is going to collect K’s cake after work but I will make sure that it is all eaten before we get home and I will try to only have a little taste.

I came to work today feeling really lousy – fat. frumpy and just downright blaaah but after catching up on reading some journals and getting the comments and e-mails you have sent, I perked up quite a bit – still feel fat but am not feeling as down as I did this morning which is great – thanks for doing that for me everyone !

Take care, be good and have a great day !

TFTD : Effort only fully releases it’s reward after a person refuses to quit.

(Ain’t that the truth !! Hang in there everyone, we will get the rewards we deserve if we continue to persevere !)

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Bugger ..

I had typed my whole entry for today and tried to publish it - nothing happened but when I looked in the Edit Posts tab I could see it so had to dash out at lunch to take the car to have the rust proofing checked and when I came back my whole entry was gone and when I hit "Recover Post" nothing happens !!! Will put down what I can remember in the meantime as I have no idea of where else to look to try to find it !

Had a good day yesterday - finished the day on 14 points and then had a nut bar when we got home at midnight taking my points to 17 for the day. Definitely much better than having some biscuits !!!! Pilates was good - there were only 4 of us again so she worked us a lot harder than she normally does with a bigger class (maybe my stomach will be flatter quicker ????? - I can only hope).

Luckily Al is so good to me - he cooked a roast with veggies which was waiting for me when I got home from pilates as we had to leave for work at 7.40pm. Walked absolutely miles last night as we were doing re-packs and so it was walking from one aisle to the next to pack whatever was in the re-pack box - my feet were absolutely killing me when we were finished.

Last night I was going to wrap Kaitlin's presents but forgot all about that when I got home so will have to make sure that I do that tonight otherwise the poor thing will have to get her presents in plastic packets !

Can't think what else there was that I had to say and as my lunch hour is well and truly over I had better get back to getting these accounts finalised.

Take care everyone, be good and go safely.

TFTD : It may sound strange, but, many champions are made champions by setbacks
(Maybe I should have read this on Monday !!)

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Thank you ..

for all the motivating and helpful comments, the support and the e-mails sent to me yesterday and today.

I did go to weigh last night - and put on 0.9kg which I was really really annoyed about especially as my electronic scales showed a gain of 0.2kg (but that is a whole other story). At least I had faced the scales and when I got home Kaitlin (who turns 13 on Thursday) asked me how I had gone (as she does every week) and when I told her she said "Well it is better than putting on 1kg" - not really what I wanted to hear I have to say but so positive coming from her. I said that I was packing it all in as it was just too hard and I was tired of counting points and always watching what I ate (and when I didn't watch what I eating feeling guilty about what I was eating). She was really concerned about how I felt and whether or not I was going to carry on with WW and I said that I wasn't. After a while she said that she would like to help me (she has a lovely figure and certainly doesn't need to be on WW as we all eat pretty much the same healthy food) and that she would stop asking for biscuits and lollies when we were out shopping. I said that I didn't think it was fair for her and Alan not to have things they liked in the cupboards because I couldn't control myself and she replied that if it would help me she wouldn't mind. Then she asked Al if he would mind - of course he said he wouldn't .

Well, I still wasn't really convinced that I should carry on with the journey (how dumb was that when I have the two people closest to me wanting to help ???? - maybe I lost some of my brain cells with the last kg that I lost !!!) - we landed up working from 8pm - 1am last night so I had plenty of time to think about how I was feeling yesterday and how mad I was about the gain and how supportive K & A were of what I was trying to accomplish and I came to the conclusion that 10.7kg was a lot of weight to put back on again - and I can bet that it would be more before I would decide that enough is enough.

So, I have decided to pick myself up and get back on track - mentally I don't feel quite as in control as what I was last week but I figure if I continue to write down what I eat that is part of the battle. We have another hectic week on our hands so apart from Pilates tonight I probably won't get much structured exercise in - will try to do some extra walking at night around the aisles !!

Thank you so much to everyone for all their support - this is the time when I normally just toss the whole thing in and think "It's too hard and I can't be bothered anymore" so if nothing else - at least keeping this journal has enabled me to get back on track and continue the journey to the new me.

You guys are all such special people - thank you for sharing this journey with me.

Take care everyone, be good and have a great day !

TFTD : Keep your goals high enough to inspire you and low enough to encourage you.

(Thank you Paulene for pointing this thought out to me !!)

Monday, May 09, 2005

Why did I ....

eat those 3 Curly Wurly's AND the fudge AND the 4 Oreo's AND the 8 or 10 or 12 squares of chocolate AND the nut bar ?????????? Why, when I have been feeling so in control and tracking so well have I now sabotaged my weight loss journey ????? Does anyone know what happens to make your outlook change and HOW DO I GET IT BACK ????????

I woke up this morning feeling fat and yucky and sooooooo disappointed with myself for eating all of the above on top of my points for the week - even as I was eating I was saying - why are you eating this and I couldn't answer because I was too busy stuffing something else into my mouth !!!

Don't know if I can face the scales this afternoon - I just don't want to see what they are going to say - will let you know if I pluck up enough courage to face them.

TFTD : The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live.

Friday, May 06, 2005


Having worked an unexpected long shift again last night I woke up this morning absolutely buggered. At 8.45 opened my first diet pepsi to try to get me through the day !! At least I have all my food etc with me at work so hopefully will continue to make the right choices although the scales aren't showing any drop from Monday.

Have a great weekend everyone and take care !

TFTD : The distance is nothing - it is the first step only that is difficult.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Hooray .....

we seem to have stopped the leak and now all we need to do is get the carpet dry !

I didn't get to work out on the gym last night - not enough time. Plus I thought that at least I was getting some form of exercise at work. (May have to use that as my exercise today as well as I think I am going to run out of time again !!!) Dashed home after work to get the leftovers organised for dinner before screaming off to the hairdresser. Screamed home after that and ate as we had to be at work before 8pm. Landed up working a really long shift (until 1am) got home and caught up on some e-mails before getting into bed. Again, it was a little difficult to get up this morning !!!

The good (well good and bad) news is that my rings are now getting too big for my fingers and my watch is slipping around the whole time - very annoying but oh, such a good feeling, knowing that I have to have been getting this weight loss thing right when I see these things happening.

Last night I stuck my hand onto a shelf to pull out some long pants to wear to work and when I opened them up (they had been folded) I started to laugh. Al came out from the bathroom to see what I was laughing at and I held the pants up for him - he asked me if I wanted to swim to work in them !! They are a size 20 AND I USED TO FIT INTO THEM !!!! That gave me a real kick - seeing them and knowing that they were far too big for me now.

During the evening while I was busy breaking down the one pallet, I started to think about those bloody Anzac biscuits again - I could actually taste them. From then on I couldn't think of anything except getting the shift finished and getting home to have 1 or maybe 2. By the end of work I think I was ready to eat whatever was in the biscuit barrel !!!! When we got home I was absolutely starving and thought - right, now for the Anzac biscuits and was heading that way when this little voice said "Do you REALLY need those biscuits ? And, more importantly, can you eat 2 and stop ?????" And, to be honest, I knew that if I opened the barrel and had 2 I would open the barrel again and have 3 or 6 or 10 or however many were there. So, I landed up having a nut bar (for 3 points) which took me to a total of 17 points (a low day on the Wendie Plan) and I went and had a shower and then headed to the computer room. Before I went to sleep I was lying in bed thinking to myself "At least you managed to change that thought re having a biscuit before it was too late" and felt really good about that choice. Maybe I am on the way towards changing how I see food and whyI eat the food that I do.

I have been very slack with water today - I had a glass with breakfast but that is as far as I have got !!!

Tonight we are off to the local mall as Kaitlin wants to have a look at some clothes and I need to do some grocery shopping, then it will be home to change and back to work again. Hopefully the load won't be as big and we will work our normal 3 hour shift - I can always dream, can't I ???

Take care everyone and have a great day !

My TFTD pretty much sums up my philosphy on life - I believe that life is too short to spend with people you don't want to be with or doing things you don't want to do. Now I do understand that there are things that have to be done no matter what, but when I have a choice, I don't want to make the choice to do something I don't want to just because it would make someone else happy.

TFTD : You live longer once you realise that anytime spent being unhappy is wasted.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Still wet ...

The saga with the wet carpets continues - much to Kaitlin's horror as she is now sleeping on her mattress on the floor in her old bedroom ! Al thinks that he has found where the water is leaking from so that is a plus. We have left the water turned on today as we found it when we got home from work this morning and after Al fiddled around with it we thought we would leave it and have a look when we got up for work this morning.

We landed up cutting the underlay and taking that outside onto the verandah to try to dry but I don't know what we will be able to do with the carpet - it is draped over broom sticks and crates trying to get it to dry !! Maybe we will have to look at an insurance claim but I don't really want to go down that route right now if I can help it.

On the food front, I had a good day yesterday. We made hamburgers and chips for dinner last night and that fitted in just right with my points so I was pleased about that. Pilates was good again and I managed to walk there and back without getting caught in the rain which was even better. I managed another 4 glasses of water yesterday but have only had 1 so far today - will try to up that this afternoon. But, am busy with sorting out FBT returns and it is driving me nuts as someone else was supposed to do it and they have made a right royal mess of it so I am having to go back over 12 months of expenses and sort them out - not my favourite past-time at the best of times and especially not when I am in the middle of month end !!!

On that note, had better get back to my spreadsheets. Take care everyone and have a great week !

TFTD : An effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


Went to weigh last night - and lost 1kg - yes, you read it correctly 1 kg !!!!! In case you didn't realise - I am really excited about that !!!!

Had a look back in book - this is the lowest I have been since February 2004 !!!

This takes my total loss to 11.6kg with 7.5kg to go to goal - 60% of the way there - wooohoooooo !!!!

Of course, I am going to have to keep on with what I was doing last week because I don't want the biscuits and nut and caramel chocolate to show up next week !!!! Other than that, I have managed 2 glasses of water this morning so far - am not sure that I am going to be 6 down by the end fo the day BUT at least it is better than nothing.

I was pleased that I stayed for the meeting after my weigh-in last night although we weren't working due to the public holiday which did make it easier. We are working tonight instead which will be good as we will be working at casula rates rather than our permanent part time rate.

Am not sure what I am going to be doing tonight - Al changed the taps in the family bathroom (shower, vanity and bath) and when Kaitlin woke up this morning and stepped out of bed, her carpet was soaked !!! Soooooo, we moved her furniture and found that a patch of her carpet about 3m x 1.5m was saturated. Went and switched the water off and will have to have a look tonight to see if we can see where the water is leaking from otherwise we are going to land up with some stinky, rotting carpet if we don't get it sorted out soon. Something nice to look forward to when we get home.

Am still hoping to get to pilates but if the job looks too big for Al I may have to give him a hand - will see how we go.

Take care everyone and have a great day !

TFTD : I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me, or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.

Monday, May 02, 2005

BIG Bugger .....

The Anzac biscuits and the Dove chocolate got the better of me last night !!!

9 biscuits (thank goodness my hands aren't any bigger otherwise I am sure I would have landed up eating even more - 9 was all I could fit in at one go !!!!) and 10 squares of chocolate later I went to bed ..................................


I have been so good the whole week and then really blew it last night - why oh why couldn't I just stay on my bed reading my book ????????????????

Needless to say I am way over on sugar points this week and if I don't watch what I eat today I will be way over my points for the week including my exercise bonus points.

I am hoping that I can start today as a new day and not turn my one off binge into something worse. Mind you, with us having a holiday today and the weather all miserable we won't be going anywhere . Maybe I will ask Al or Kaitlin to hide the biscuits - that way I won't be tempted to have some more and get some damage control happening.

My back is really sore today and once again I rolled out of my bed this morning - will see how it goes during the day as to whether or not I have a workout on the gym.

Hope you all have a great week - take care and be good !

TFTD : The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Chocolate divine

Last night we got home from work and I decided to have one of the new WW hot desserts (found in the freezer section of the supermarket) - it was well worth the 3 sugar points ! It was DELICIOUS - so if you are looking for a chocolate fix, it is definitely something to consider. The good thing is that it comes in two servings so you don't have to worry about trying to control the size of the portion you eat (when I am dishing up desserts I can be VERY heavy handed so for me, this is a good thing!!)

This morning I got up and had a workout on the gym before I did anything else - I had an idea that I wouldn't feel like doing any exercise when I got back from the BBQ - and I was right ! I made it as far as my bed with my book and that was where I have been for the past couple of hours. It was lovely knowing that even though it was Sunday I still had tomorrow off before having to go back to work for another short week.

I feel like I could just open the biscuit barrel and not stop until they are all finished - considering that I just filled it with a 500g pack of Anzac biscuits at 1.5 points per biscuit and I think 40 biscuits in the packet - I could be on a very slippery downward ride !! What to do - maybe I should just go back to bed with my book ?????

Am off to finish get some washing done then at least that is all up to date for the start of the new week - it doesn't seem to matter how many loads I do, there is always something in the wash basket waiting to be washed.

Cheers for now everyone - take care and have a great week !

TFTD : It's not what a man has but what a man is that's important.