Friday, May 27, 2005

A point in time

It seems to me as though there comes a point in time when everything starts to fall into place. I am so pleased to say that I feel like I am at that point right now – my clothes are definitely getting too big for me, my legs are looking slimmer, my rings are too big, my watch keeps falling around my wrist and, although I haven’t put a swimming costume on, I am sure that I would be able to wear one with some boardies or sarong over when we are walking around, or just my togs when we want to have a swim.
I have decided that although I would like the scales to say 72kg when we leave, I would be happy to leave just knowing that I wasn’t going away on holiday weighing 86.1kg which is what I weighed in at my heaviest (except when I was pregnant nearly 14 years ago !!)
I was walking around at lunch time yesterday and realized that my bangles (which I just love to wear) are now sitting uncomfortably over my hand. They are the reason I went back to WW – I have 6 x 25g half round bangles, separated by a twisted bangle – at 86.1kg I couldn’t get them on and off my hands without using soap, cream, a lot of twisting and turning and even more swearing under my breath. Picking my folks up from the airport became a mission as they (the bangles, not my folks !!) would set the alarm off and I would be asked to take them off – of course I couldn’t get them off so there was always an issue about letting me through but as they only came over once a year I could deal with it and told the airport people they didn’t come off and they could scan me with the hand held. Then when we got the job packing shelves at Coles, I had to take them off each night as they would catch on the shelves and were going to get damaged I had to do something about my weight as every night my hands would be soooooo sore and red. Of course, once I had lost a couple of kgs it was a lot easier for them to come off and so the yo-yoing continued – until now – when I decided that I am doing this for the last time. Each time I have to lose the same kilos it gets harder and harder so this time I am going to lose them once and for all.There is something else that I have noticed whilst reading other journals – there are so many people who look at photos of what they used to look like and say “I would love to look like that” but, when they think back, when they did look like that they thought they were fat. It is so sad that our perception of ourselves is so screwed that we can’t see ourselves as we really are. I have come to accept that I will never be the weight I was when I got married (45kg) – nor will I ever be a 50’s girl again BUT as long as I love myself for how I look and make healthy choices in my lifestyle I am a winner – who cares if I don’t weigh 58kg – I don’t (well at least I hope I won’t) because I think that it is more important that we lead healthy lives and teach our families about living a healthy life. Yes, there will be times when I want to eat junk food – I will probably tell myself that I NEED the junk food, but then it is about getting back to the healthy choices and not allowing one bad choice meal, turn into a bad choice day turn into a bad choice week.

I did manage to get my gym session in last night but didn't get out for a walk - oh well, there is always tonight !
I jumped on the scales this morning and was 71.8kg - now, I am not sure if I can get excited about that or if I have to wait for the WW scales to say 72kg (or less) !!!!!! Think, that if I am honest with myself I, need for the WW scales to say I am 72kg before I can say I have achieved my mini goal before going on holiday. (Of course, if I get to be desperate dan before we leave I will take WHICHEVER scales say I am 72kg - so don't be worried if you see a lady running down the street knocking on doors asking if I can try their scales out !!!!)
Take care everyone - have a great weekend and don't forget to be good to yourself - you deserve it !!!

TFTD : Why do we close our eyes when we sleep ? When we cry ? When we imagine ? When we kiss ? This is because the most beautiful thing in the world is unseen.

PS - we have got drinks after work tonight - must make sure that they will have some diet cold-drinks so I don't start the weekend on the wrong foot !!!


Blogger Mary said...

I agree. Everything falls into place when you change the way you look at things too. You have done so well! I used to think I was fat too at 60-65kg (when I was clubbing). We have a screwy marketing society to blame for that and I know Sydney is getting really bad in this respect. It's acceptable to have waif models again and when you go shopping, well can't fit into the damn designer clothes unless your ridiculously underweight. I cringe whenever I see a girl walk past me with no butt and sticks for legs. I am getting tired with the vanity in this city. I just want to be healthy and have more energy (not a stick insect).

Sorry, now I'm ranting. I hope you have a great weekend too!

12:31 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I love this post, and I love your thought for the day. You are beautiful - I love it when people feel like this - this is the real reason we are doing this. So that we feel healthy and happy, the weight loss and looking nicer is a great bonus! You are doing SO well!!

5:36 PM  
Anonymous Paulene said...

Fantastic Entry!!!
I too never thought my body was anything but fat even when I was size 11 and feinting from starvation in year 12 :(
I love that your bangles give you a visable cue of how far you've come...that's awesome.
And if you are finding this easier now you'll blitz maintenance too!!
Go you!!
cheers P

8:33 AM  

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