Friday, September 30, 2005

Control - have I got it ?

I want to start by asking you to please remember that I am in a different space now to those of you trying to lose weight and so my thinking has changed slightly – not towards losing weight but towards how I am going to maintain. I was thinking while I was at work last night packing the slabs of chocolate that while I am feeling in control of what I am doing – I haven’t really been in control of my choices (I know that sounds like gibberish but bear with me !)
When I was losing weight and really battling – I would (sub-consciously) have the no junk food in the house rule. While I never actually thought of it in those terms, I didn’t buy anything on the fatal list because I knew that it would be fatal for me to have it in the house. There were times I bought things ‘for Al and Kaitlin’ knowing full well it was actually for me and sometimes they never even got to sniff what was there because I had eaten it before they knew about it.
What got me thinking last night was that I am not really in control if I don’t eat food which isn’t in the cupboard – does that make sense ? Surely, I can only say I am in control if the food is there and I choose not to eat it or to limit the amount that I eat of it ? So, by saying that I am in control over something that isn’t there means that I am not really in control at all, it just means that I am not eating something that isn’t there. Sooooooo I am going to put myself to the test sometime soon – haven’t decided when because I need to make sure that I am in the right space before I do it otherwise I could be in for a BIG binge – I am going to buy some goodies which I don’t normally buy and leave them in the cupboard and see just how much control I do have – can I limit the amount that I eat or will I be like someone who feels like they haven’t seen food forever and scoff it down as fast as I can pick it up ? Should be an interesting exercise and one that may only happen when Al gets home so that I have the support network right there to help me out if I really blow it.
In one of the latest WW weekly cards – they suggest putting tempting food into brown paper bags and putting those in your cupboard – I don’t know about you but a brown paper bag isn’t going to make me forget what I put IN the bag and neither is it going to stop me from getting to what is in the bag. Has anyone tried this out and seen whether it works or not ?
On that note – I am off to lunch – take care everyone, have a great weekend and be good. Our bodies deserve to be treated with respect and if we don’t respect them, we can’t expect others to.

TFTD : It is better to have a moment of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

TIAGF : Only 9 sleeps to go until my best friend gets home YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY !!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

YAY for friendly neighbours

Last night I got home and my neighbour was in the cul-de-sac with her children on their bikes so we spoke for a couple of minutes before I went in. K went out and was playing with the children and then the little girl wanted to show K her birthday presents so off they went, then the two boys followed them inside and I went into the house to do some work on my fit ball (finally !!) before starting dinner (stir fry). I was getting undressed when I heard the front gate so called out to K that the sliding door was open and this voice came back saying it wasn’t K it was my neighbour so I quickly got dressed and went to the door. She had come to see if I had started cooking or if we would like to go around to them for dinner as she had more than enough food for them and us. So I said thank you very much, went and got changed, got some drinks and went over. What a lovely evening – her husband wasn’t back from a seminar he was running, so we sat chatting and the kids were playing hide and seek and then K read them a story before they went to bed. A lovely change from having to cook and do it all myself !!!!! The down side was I wasn’t sure how to point what she had cooked – chicken stir fry with noodles, mushrooms, carrots, satay sauce and some coconut milk – so guessed at 10. Of course then the rest of the night was a mad rush to talk to Al, get K showered and ready for bed and then off to work but well worth not having to cook and clean up myself and having some good adult conversation as well !!!
I don’t know what it is but more people seem to be noticing that I have lost weight. It isn’t only people who haven’t seen me for a while – sometimes it is people who see me every day or at least once a week – very strange !!!! I was thinking about it last night at work and wondered if maybe it was because now I am wearing clothes that actually fit me rather than clothes that are 2 or 3 sizes too big for me – maybe they couldn’t see me under the bigger sizes – don’t really know but what I do know is that they are keeping me motivated to stick to my plan for the week, so YAY for that !!!!
This morning at 9.30 I went to get my morning snack and realised that I wasn’t actually hungry and that I was just eating out of habit. Since I have been having cereal/yoghurt or avo on toast for breakfast I don’t get hungry until quite a bit later in the morning but I have still been eating my dried fruit at 9.30 because I have always done that. So today I waited until I actually felt hungry at 10.40 before I pulled my morning tea out. Now I am thinking about how many other times I eat out of habit rather than because I am hungry and need to – I am sure that there are plenty of occasions when that has happened. While there are times when I open the cupboards thinking “What can I eat” even though I am not hungry, I never really thought about eating out of habit when I am at work. Will have to make a conscious effort to make sure I only eat when I am hungry. I can probably take my lunch from 12.30 or 1pm instead of at 11.30 just because I have always eaten my lunch at that time !!!!! Talk about a creature of habit and if you had asked me if I thought I was a creature of habit I would probably have said no !!!!!!!!! Well what good is this journey if we don’t keep learning about how to deal with life and ourselves along the way !!!
Tomorrow morning we will be down to single digits of sleeps left until Al gets home – YAY !!! Can’t wait to get up to see that !
Take care everyone and have a great day !

TFTD : A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.

TIAGF : Friendly neighbours

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I CAN do this !

Last night while I was at work I started to think about what I had done this past week – the mindless, thoughtless eating, the junk food eating, the ‘I’m missing Al eating’ and realised that while things were difficult for me now, I had to use some other mechanism to cope – I can’t keep turning to food to resolve an issue. I did realise this a while ago (as some of you may remember reading about it) but obviously it hasn’t become a habit for me yet as I still instinctively turned to food during this past week. I am not sure what I am going to use but will have to think about it very soon - pulling out my book and reading, drinking some water - I don't know - neither of those really appeal to me right now but I will have to find something to replace the 'reach for food' action.
Is this because when my head is in the right space, I am more conscious of what I am doing whereas when I am not quite in the right space, I go onto autopilot and just revert to a previous (bad) habit ?
Anyway, the long and the short of is that “If it is to be, it is up to me” – and I am going to use that to get through this week – one day at a time – one meal at a time – one hour at a time if I have to. I had a good day with water yesterday – am a little slow with it today because I had to go out this morning but I have got my jug here and it is going down.
I am going to do the best that I can with the food group choices this week and try to have more veggies although I have been good about eating fruit – definitely not my most favourite choice of something to eat.
I am going to try not to have any sugar points until Friday because I know that once I start with them, that is fatal and I can’t seem to stop. Maybe if I hadn’t had so many earlier in the week last week I would have been better over the weekend – oh well – maybe’s, could have’s, should have’s – none of them count so I will just do what I can this week.
Take care everyone and have a great day !

TFTD : Every exit is an entry to somewhere else

TIAGF : The ability to get back on track

Monday, September 26, 2005


This weeks weigh in doesn't need me to be changing any stats on the side of the page - I stayed the same. Rather a pleasant surprise as I was expecting to put on after my self sabotaging efforts of this past week.
I did manage to drink my water today but I also managed to eat a Guerlain chocolate, 2 Curly Wurly's and then after weighing in and putting petrol in the car, I bought a peppermint aero to scoff quickly on the way home !!! Definitely self sabotage at it's best !!!!
The only thing I can do is try to get back on track tomorrow (dinner is over for tonight - some pasta left overs) and hopefully manage to stay in control when I get home from work tonight.
Take care everyone and have a great week !

TFTD : Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments.

TIAGF : Staying the same

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Another weekend gone

Where do the days go to - I can’t believe it is Monday tomorrow and back to work already. It does mean that we are another two sleeps closer to Al coming home and for that, I am grateful.
We had a good day today - didn’t do any clothes shopping (for a change I hear some of you say !!!!!) - got up this morning and we went for a 1hr 20 minute walk - the weather was just gorgeous as spring days on the Gold Coast can be. We came home and sat in the sun for a little while reading our books. Then we went and got some groceries which I had forgotten to get yesterday and came home again.
Mom and Dad came over for dinner and I did their tax returns. We had soup and tiger loaf bread and then some strawberries for dessert. I haven’t had a very good day food wise - last night I sat up and read and ate nearly a box of Cheese Straws - they are just the most delicious savoury biscuits I have ever eaten. Needless to say I didn’t finish the box (only just !), but K and I did finish the box today (not that there were very many left after last night !!!). On Friday I bought 3 packets of the Mars Lite Bars - don’t know why I did that because while my intentions are good - the execution of those intentions are not that wonderful !!! I bought them thinking that I could have 1 when I am craving some chocolate or something sweet - yeah right !!! Like I can stop at 1 ???? So, have just polished off another 2 after the ‘I don’t know how many’ I had last night. But, now that I have confessed to it - maybe I can move on to another day with another chance to learn at how to say no to the voice in my head saying “Go on - have another 1 (or 2 or 3 or 4) - they are only worth 1 point each and it isn’t as though you are eating a whole chocolate” Maybe it isn’t a whole chocolate but eating about 10 over the weekend certainly does add up !!!!!
Oh yes, just remembered that Katilin and I shared a Whip bar when we went grocery shopping this afternoon - better whack another 4 points onto my sugar total for the week !!!!
I did our tax returns but they don’t look right and I think that it is because I am so tired I am not thinking too clearly so will leave them until Tuesday night when I will have another look at them. I have just finished the last load of washing and need to go and put it in the dryer.
Thank goodness tomorrow is the start of a new week - hopefully I can get my head into the right place because it is definitely not in the place where it is supposed to be right now.
Take care everyone and have a great day !

TFTD : You have got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how are you going to make your dream come true ?

TIAGF : My Dad fitting a door closer on one of my kitchen cupboards

One sleep closer

We had a great day today - had muffins this morning. YAY - our local Muffin Break now have the tomato and basil muffins (3 sugar points saved for something else !!!!). Then I bought another pair of long denim shorts (off the rack and a perfect fit !!!) and a T-shirt that was on sale (it says Vintage Junior on the front - does that mean I am an old young person ????)
After that we went and got some groceries and popped into the library to pick up a Dan Brown book which they were holding for me. Got home and had a bread roll for lunch before getting ready to go and see Joseph and his Technicolour Dreamcoat - what lovely memories it brought back for me. I remembered just about all the words - K was amazed that I knew them all and asked me when I had learnt them. I said that I used to listen to the record when I was a child and she said “How sad is that” - am not sure if she thought it was sad that I had listened to the record or the fact that I lived so long ago records were all we had to listen to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After that we went to a BBQ with some friends and then popped in to see some other friends before getting home just after 11pm. Al went for a walk this morning and landed up walking around for nearly 8 hours - poor thing - it really is hard for him on the weekends. At least K and I have each other to do things with whereas he has to try to amuse himself each weekend.
When we were at Coles this morning I saw those bloody triple decker mint chocolates again - K said we should buy one to try it but I said if we buy one we will eat it all - she said “Isn’t that the purpose of buying it ?” - I said yes, normally it is but when it is so much chocolate it probably isn’t that good a purpose !!! Then we spied the little 7 square bars and I pounced on that quick smart. After we had a roll for lunch we shared the chocolate - boy am I glad we didn’t buy the big one !!!!! It would have been finished before very long. But, after having 3 squares of that chocolate, my folks bought a small bar of chocolate for us to have at the musical, so I had another 2 squares there. We had 2 chicken kebabs on a roll at the BBQ and I have just had 3 of the mini mars lite bars - all up I have had 8 points worth of chocolate today - so I am 1 ½ points over on my sugar this week. But, I am not going to worry about it too much - chocolate is not ‘bad’ food - it is just food I need to limit the quantity that I eat.
Emily mentioned the ‘weed-off’ we are going to have as soon as we get our camera back to show the before and after photos. Today, I have to say that I never even gave any household chores a thought - too busy shopping and going to the theatre and visiting friends !!! But, I will get to it as soon as we have our camera back and in working order.
Tomorrow we are going to take a walk to Paradise Point as my folks have their craft market there and then I need to get all the washing done before sitting down to do our tax returns. I need to shop again as I invited my folks over for dinner and then forgot to buy when I need when we were at the shops today - I suppose those chocolates are going to be calling me again when I am in there !!!!!!
Go the Tigers - well done to them for beating St George. Bad luck to the Eagles and good luck to the Cowboys !!!!
Take care everyone, have a great Sunday and be good !

TFTD : One way to open your eyes to unnoticed beauty is to ask yourself, “What if I had never seen this before ? What if I knew I would never see it again ?”

TIAGF : Buying size 12 clothes off the rack that fit perfectly

Friday, September 23, 2005

YAY for Friday !

Thanks so much to everyone for your support – it has been a big help to keep me going.
Just when I thought most of the problems at Coles were resolved, some more have reared their ugly heads BUT at the moment, nothing has been finalised. I said to Al this morning when we were talking after work, that I would try to put it in the “Worry about it when it happens” basket and leave it there until I need to spend energy worrying about it !!!
I managed to curb my sweet tooth until I got home this morning when I gave in and had an apple and cinnamon WW frozen dessert at 1am !!!! Yesterday I had to pick up some groceries at lunch time and had to wait an absolute age in the queue – they had the big specials stand with the new triple decker mint chocolate – 250g – can’t even remember the price not that that would have put me off buying it anyway, right next to the check out queue !!! I stood there for ages having the “Should I or shouldn’t I” conversation, but you all chipped in and said I shouldn’t so I didn’t and now I can (still fit into my jeans) !!!!
We have a couple of things planned for the weekend – muffins in the morning (of course !)and then off to see the musical in the afternoon. I have to get our tax returns done – thought that they had to be done by end of October but now realise that it is the end of September which is the deadline so will have to get moving on those. They are really of the “Not much money in, paid this amount of tax out of not much coming in and please don’t ask me for any more because there isn’t any” kind of returns – it’s just the pain of having to do them at all !!
Of course not working Saturday night is good – don’t know what we will be doing – maybe get in some DVD’s to watch. I really need to get stuck into the weeds – the trouble is that my back has been reasonably good recently and I don’t want to jinx it by weeding – maybe that is just an excuse not to weed !!!! Will see how I feel tomorrow.
I want to try to sit down and do something similar to what Emily did to see just how far I have come and how my choices / habits have changed since I started my journey this time – that may help to re-inforce why I will be able to maintain – worth a try anyway.
Have a great weekend everyone – hope that the weather is good for you. If it stays the way it has been for the past couple of days I am sure that we will get some walking and some cycling done – maybe I will even try to find some togs that fit and work on getting rid of these lily white legs !!!!

TFTD : Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

TIAGF : Being able to make choices

Thursday, September 22, 2005

17 sleeps to go !!

(Not that we are counting !!!) When we discussed Al going for 6 weeks this time I thought, Yip, I can do that – it’s only 1 ½ weeks longer than the last time – no problem !!! Well, I am not as okay with it as I thought I would be - I really miss him so much and even though we talk every day and sometimes twice a day, it isn’t the same. I know that there are only two grand finals we can watch and then he is home the following Sunday but it seems like forever away. I am trying to think about the bigger picture of why agreed it would be good for him to take this contract in the first place, but sometimes it isn’t that easy. I seem to be constantly exhausted – I am sure that when K is back at school things will settle down a bit. At the moment she goes to PCYC down at Broadbeach so it is an hour round trip in the morning and then the same in the afternoon so I feel like I am playing catch up all the time because I am running so behind with everything else.
I went to weigh on Monday night and lost 0.5kg which I was okay with - the trouble is that I am not eating the extra points, and, if truth be told, I am not eating my normal 20 points per day either. I still had 18 points left after dinner on Monday night. I am supposed to be having an extra 5 points a day - but with only 14 sugar points how on earth am I supposed to eat so much food ? I don’t see the point in eating for the sake of eating and if I am not hungry what am I supposed to do ?
I know that there is a part of me that is scared, actually I’m not scared, I am bloody terrified of putting on all this weight again. I have lost it more times that I care to think about and I don’t want to have to do this all over again another time.
I have had a rough couple of days and, 6 months ago, I would have put on, I don’t know maybe 2-3kgs in the past week, because I would have been stuffing my face with whatever sweet things I could lay my hands on - now I am too scared to have anything sweet because once I start I don’t know if I would be able to stop and I don’t want to undo the hard work I have put in to get where I am today. I did have a Boost bar on Monday night - for lots of reasons - while I did enjoy it, afterwards I realised that I had eaten for the wrong reasons – I was upset and I was angry and I fed my face !!!! I am not going to beat myself up over a chocolate and am happy with the fact that it didn’t turn into a binge but the thought is still there that it could very easily have turned into one. I also landed up having a Twirl yesterday – in the end I had to go and buy a chocolate because I was sitting at my desk and I could hardly get any work done for thinking about what I could eat. While I thought that it was only 3.5 points when I got the wrapper and worked it out it was 5 points – more than I wanted to use but too late because by that stage it had already been eaten.
I know that there has to be a happy medium somewhere along this journey, maybe right now isn’t a good time for me to be trying to maintain - maybe I need to wait for Al to get home and for life to revert to some sort of normalcy before I worry about maintaining - does that make sense to anyone ? Or should it be easier with him not here ?
Once again, I think it is my accountability in this forum, and the fact that I have just bought a whole bunch of clothes that I don’t want to not fit into, that has kept me on the straight and narrow and for that here is a big THANK YOU !!! Nobody said that this journey would be easy but I have to say that I hope it does get easier because right now it just seems all too hard.
I have had no water this week – I just can’t stomach the thought of it. I don’t even want to think of how much DP I have consumed. My veggie consumption has been dismal (apart from the veggies I had when I went out to friends the other night), my exercise (apart from pilates) has been non-existent but my fruit consumption has been good so I suppose I should be happy about that.
Sorry about the whinge today – but that is where I am at the moment. If I only posted when everything was going right, it wouldn’t be a true reflection of what is happening on my journey.
Take care everyone, be good and enjoy your day !

TFTD : Courage is like love, it must have hope to nourish it.

TIAGF : Another lovely spring day

Monday, September 19, 2005

Sunny Monday !

This is a short post as I went out at lunch time today to get tickets for a musical on the weekend – should be very entertaining and something to look forward to.
Food has been good today although I mis-read my watch this morning and ate my lunch at 10.30 because I thought it was 11.30 !!!! (I normally eat my lunch at 11.30 as I can’t wait any longer than that !!) I think it is going to be long afternoon as I won’t have anything to eat after about 2 or 2.30pm as I am off to weigh tonight. I will have to have something to eat when I get home from weighing as K and I are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate Al’s birthday and if I don’t eat I will be absolutely starving when my food does arrive and then land up scoffing it down and not enjoying it.
Water is plodding along although a little slow for a Monday as that is normally the day that I really seem to be able to get it down without any problem, but, it is going down which is the main thing.
Take care everyone, have a great week and be good !

TFTD : The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.

TIAGF : A beautiful spring day

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Before and after

Before and after (with my head this time !)

Happy Birthday Al !

I have had a good weekend even though it has been tinged with sadness at the thought of Al having to spend his birthday away from us. Yesterday K and I had our muffins (really nice ones this week) and then wandered around the mall, went to the library and tried to get our digital camera issue sorted out - not very successful !!! Then I dropped K with my folks and went to lunch with a friend - had a lovely Turkish bread with roast veggies although I think that they used a fair amount of oil on the veggies but lovely none the less. After that it was back to collect K and then home to get some chores done before dropping K back with my folks and going to work.
Work was fine - some of the issues which were upsetting me over the past few weeks have been sorted out so that is great.
I landed up having a WW frozen meal for dinner and K had chicken and chips with my folks - when I got home I was, once again, pleased with the no junk food in the house situation as I know that I could have eaten myself up a clothing size if there had been something in the cupboards. I landed up having 3 points worth of dates so got my sugar fix through some fruit.
My water in take this weekend has been dismal - I am off to have some now but know that I am not going to even come close to 1-2L for the day - oh well, will be back on to it tomorrow.
We have had some lovely strawberries lately and this morning had a plateful each before we went out. We were going to cycle yesterday but the wind on the Gold Coast has been awful - up to 90kph so we didn’t bother. This morning we woke up and were going to go for a cycle but when we opened the garage door decided to go for a walk instead - 45 minutes later we were back home and skyping Al to wish him Happy Birthday ! He went out with some of his work mates and had ribs which he said were enjoyable but that it would have been better if we had been there. This is getting really hard to do BUT today we are half way down - 3 weeks today and we will all be together - how cool is that going to be ??????
Anyway, after our walk this morning we went down to Australia Fair as we had to return some tops which I bought for K which weren’t quite what she wanted and get some weed killer for the pavers as I have decided that my back really doesn’t need the aggravation of weeding right now as it hasn’t been too bad of late and I don’t want to jinx it now. We landed up having muffins again this morning but I was very proud of myself as I chose a savoury muffin over a sweet one - wish our Muffin Break made those same savoury muffins then I would have an extra 3 sugar points each week to spend on something else !!!!!!! Why oh why do we only get 14 sugar points a week ???? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that when I was eating 20 or 30 or 40 sugar points a week I put on the extra 19kgs I had to lose ??????????
After that we popped down to see my folks at their market at Broadbeach and then went to see a Boys Town show home before stopping in to see some friends and coming home.
Think I will make a tomato based pasta dish for dinner tonight - easy and quick and we will be watching the Bronco’s / Tigers game - much as I would like the Bronco’s to win, I don’t think that they had too much of a chance - right now, Tigers seem to be just too good.
Took some photos (with my head on !!) today - will see if we get to my folks so that Dad can download them to a disc and I can upload them for you to see the difference 19.2kgs has made.
On that note - take care everyone, be good and have a fantastic week !

TFTD : Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow them.

TIAGF : The motivation to get up and exercise

Friday, September 16, 2005

Feeling rather blah today

Don’t really know why, but I seem to be missing Al more today than usual. That is probably the main contributor to me feeling a little down because seeing as it is Friday I really should be quite happy – another week down and only 2 more sleeps and then we have reached the half way point of Al being away – YAY !!!!! Plus I have had a headache lurking around for most of the day – can’t seem to get rid of it – maybe an early night and a good night’s sleep will help. We have had very broken sleep for the past three nights as Kaitlin has this dreadful cough that keeps us both awake on and off during the night.
Yesterday I had a lovely picnic lunch with Kaitlin and my folks at the park over the road from where I work – we had ham, cheese, tomato and lettuce sandwiches with a hot muffin they had just baked to end the meal – it was great. The weather was just beautiful and we sat on a blanket, ate our lunch and had an enjoyable time. When I went shopping last night I pointed the muffins – had guessed about 4 points and was spot on (that doesn’t happen very often !!!). Used rather a lot of points for lunch as Mom had buttered the bread and was a little heavier of hand than I am with the butter – I normally have ham only but had a little bit of cheese as well. Anyway, it was good to do something different and to see them during the day.
Last night K and I went late night shopping and I got a couple of casual shirts for the weekend – was annoyed when I got home as the I had taken one shirt off the rack according to the size on the hanger only to find that the shirt on the hanger was a different size so will have to go and swop it tomorrow. Got a nice ¾ sleeve T-shirt in a size 10 and it wasn’t even very fitting – must be something wrong with their sizes as I know I am not a 10 on top.
Went to get Kaitlin some singlets today and waited so long in the queue I landed up buying a Curly Wurly but I will include it in my points for the day and sugar points for the week even though I am sure nobody I knew saw me eating and therefore I don’t really have to count them !!!!!!
Tonight I invited my folks over for fajitas – we haven’t had them for ages because they are rather high in points if you want to have them with avo and sour cream and cheese but have been really feeling like them and I know how much they enjoy them. Plus there isn’t much point in making them just for K and I so they are coming for those. Yesterday at Coles found some lovely strawberries so bought a couple of punnets and we will have those for dessert. Haven’t had much to eat today – not because I forgot to eat but because I have been so busy I haven’t had a chance. I would love to be one of those people who don’t eat because ‘they forgot’ – how cool would that be and how easy would it be to save points each day !!!!! There are a lot of things which I could forget to do but eating just isn’t one of them !!!!!
Not much else happening but have to mention that I have been really good about my water this week – most days I have had between 1-2L of water – well done Me !!!! I have a couple of things planned for the weekend – lunch with a friend tomorrow, working tomorrow night, a trip to Domanye to try to get the issue of our digital camera sorted out and of course 180sqm of pavers to be weeded !!! Now that is something to look forward to – NOT !!!!!
Sunday is Al’s birthday – someone has arranged a dinner for him tomorrow night so I was pleased to hear that as I think it would be dreadful to be away for your birthday. We did send over presents with him and cards so at least he won’t wake up to nothing on Sunday. I thought we would go out for dinner on Sunday but think we may leave it until Monday night after weigh-in and before work at 10pm.
On that note – take care, be good and have a great weekend.

TFTD : Laugh and learn, because we all make mistakes.

TIAGF : Today being Friday

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

What was different this time ?

Someone asked me what I thought the difference was this time around with losing weight and actually getting to goal. Initially I didn’t really know but after having had a chance to think about it, I think these are some of the reasons for me reaching goal this time.

Support at home – while this has always been there and it certainly hasn’t changed this time around, from what I read in other people’s journals, I know that I am very lucky to have the support of my family as without that I very much doubt that I would have made it – they have been fantastic and deserve much of the credit. Thank you Al and Kaitlin – you are both fantastic and Al, I miss you stax.
Blogging – initially I was just reading a few journals when I wondered if that would be a tool I could use to stay on track and make myself more accountable for what I was doing. This has worked because, like
Kate takes Mary shopping on occasions, I would think about what I would say about something I had done – would I tell you guys or would I pretend that it hadn’t happened. Then I realised that there was no point in doing this if I wasn’t going to be honest and so I made the decision that I would write about what I did – good or bad. That was sometimes the factor that made me not buy and eat that chocolate because I didn’t want to have to write it down in this forum for all to see. While I have always tracked, nobody ever actually reads what I write down in my tracker – very different to posting it on the internet !!!!! I have been more honest with my tracking instead of pointing things to make them fit into my allowance for the day !!!
Being more focused – this time I seem to have been a lot more determined to get to goal. In the past I have always wanted to get there but, looking back now, it was an ‘airy fairy’ kind of “I really want to get to goal” and then fed myself another chocolate / biscuit / dessert. This time I knew what I wanted and I tried to stay focused on the result. When we have people over, I cook something that is point friendly for me that everyone else will enjoy – before I would use having people over as an excuse to eat and not count the points because they were too high. I have also taken my own desserts when we have gone out (when it was to people I knew well enough to do that) because I wanted to make sure I didn’t go over points due to lack of planning. If we go somewhere and I am not comfortable with taking my own, I politely refuse or have just a really really small helping so as not to offend the hostess.
Water – for a lot of this journey I have made a concerted effort to drink water – not always 2L – sometimes I only drink 1L – sometimes I don’t drink any but I have certainly tried a lot harder to stay on top of it rather than drinking it for the first week or two and then not bothering anymore.
Self image – at my heaviest (weighing only slightly less than on my way to hospital to have Kaitlin) I really didn’t like looking at myself – not in a mirror, not in the clothes I was wearing, never !! We have a huge mirror on the wall in our bathroom – all the better to see every roll and flabby bit with and how I hated getting into and out of the shower and catching sight of myself in that blasted mirror. I hated having to try to find clothes that fitted me because I could never find things that I was happy with – I did buy clothes because I had to wear something but I never felt like I looked good. I knew I was coming up to my 40th birthday this year and the term “Fat, frumpy and forty” used to go through my head – enough to make me decide one day that enough was enough. If I didn’t do something about it, it would never happen because, at the end of the day, it had to be me that made the decisions re what went into my mouth - nobody was holding a gun to my head and forcing me to eat the foods which were keeping me fat – I had to want to do it and I had to want to do it for me. While making healthy choices benefits the whole family because we generally all eat the same food, it also means that I am likely to have less health problems in the future.
Food doesn’t make problems disappear – this is something that I wish I had learned years ago. When I have a problem to resolve – putting food into my mouth doesn’t solve the problem – it may make me feel good for a very short while, but the guilt afterwards is not worth the pleasure enjoyed while eating and, more importantly, the problem is still there. Unless I have done something to solve it, it will stay there, unresolved, no matter how much food I put in my mouth. This is a thought I have held onto on quite a few occasions when I have wanted to reach for the biscuit packet while trying to sort something out. Will putting this in my mouth help me to get to goal ? Will putting this in my mouth help me sort my problem out ? There are times when I still did eat – maybe I never thought long enough and there were times when I just didn’t care and ate because I wanted to, but, at the end of it, my problem was still there and my weight problem had just got a little bit bigger to get rid of. This really holds true for anything on the “Should I or shouldn’t I have this” list – if it was my yoghurt for breakfast or my sandwich for lunch – I never gave it another thought but I know the foods which would start this conversation for me – chocolates, biscuits, desserts, biscuits and dip, nuts, cheese, ice-cream – I think we all know the food I am talking about.

Whether or not this will help anyone, I don’t know but what I do know is these are some of the things which worked for me. I know we are all different – I know people who love to read the success stories in the WW magazine – I used to hate people even mentioning them because I would be jealous that those people had achieved their goal and I was still fiddling around losing and gaining the same kgs month in and month out. I always felt like such a loser (even thought I wasn't actually losing anything !) because they could do it and I couldn't. Maybe I should have read them - maybe I would have picked up some tips on what worked for them - maybe I would have got to goal sooner – who knows. It is about learning what works for you and sticking to it until you reach your goal whatever it may be.

Take care everyone and thanks again for your support – I know that this journal has been an major player in getting me here and the support of this network has to take some of the credit for my success too.

TFTD : The difference between success and failure isn’t always talent – often it is persistence.

TIAGF : Payday tomorrow

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Some before photos

I don't know how heavy I am in these photos but would guess that they would be close to my heaviest weight

Some photos of my new clothes

White shirt with thin pink stripe

New black golf shirt

Wine coloured shirt

Tourquoise short sleeved shirt

Rust coloured short sleeved shirt

Still feeling good !

I am still feeling like a kid at Christmas. Woke up this morning and took out some of my new clothes to wear – am feeling very happy with myself and how I look today. It is so nice to sit here in comfy clothes that aren’t pull on pants with the tops rolled over and shirts that are 2 sizes to big. I’ll have to get used to undoing my zip to go to the loo !!!! That saying “Nothing tastes as good as being happy with yourself feels” (well that is a slight adaption but you know what I mean) – is so true !!!
Anyway, I forgot to tell you that on Sunday Kaitlin and I did a big clear out of my wardrobe. I know that Paulene suggested selling my big clothes on ebay but I really couldn’t ask anyone to pay for them – they have been worn day in and day out for too long. Plus a friend has asked if she could take them over if I wanted to get rid of them which I am very happy to do (because I know they are going to a good home !!!!) BUT, first I have to prove to myself that I can maintain and that I won’t be needing them in the future so I have put them away in a spare cupboard – hopefully not to be needed again but at least I have a safety net there if I do need them. That would be before someone gives me the kick in the pants to get back to where I am now.
Thank you for all the excitement you have provided for me every time I open a comment – your enthusiasm and congratulations for me getting to goal has just been fantastic.
Last night I had a bite of my Boost bar before I went to work and then took it out of the fridge and finished it when I got home and was trying to get hold of Al on Skype and watching the rather dismal performance of the Australian cricketers. I enjoyed every morsel of it and was very thankful that my conscience had prevailed when I was buying it as Cadbury’s have a special on – 2 for $3 – or $2 each. While I knew that economically it would be better to buy 2 bars – I knew that weight wise it would be disastrous because I would land up eating both and one was all I really needed to celebrate !
I am off to get some sushi for lunch because with all the excitement last night I forgot about making lunch for today and it was only when I was leaving the house that I realised I didn’t have any lunch to bring with me. Luckily Kaitlin is at home so she will organize her own lunch today.

TFTD : One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first time.

TIAGF : Comfy clothes that fit and make me feel good

Monday, September 12, 2005

AT GOAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is just quick update because I just had to let you all know - I GOT TO GOAL TONIGHT - in fact I managed to get a little past goal with a loss of 1.1kg which takes my total loss to 19.2kg - the lowest I have been in probably 15 years !!!!!!
YYYEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - just in case you were wondering - yes, (like Big Kev !) I’m EXCITED !!!!!
I did a happy little jig down the path to the cricket club when we were leaving and Kaitlin said “Stop it Mom - you are embarrassing me” to which I replied “There is nobody around - no-one ahead of us and no-one behind us and I feel I deserve to do a little jig” and she just laughed.
Thank you to everyone who has left such encouraging comments, who have sent such thoughtful e-mails and who have provided me with so much inspiration and motivation through your own journals - I know that without you guys I would have battled a lot more than I did on this journey. So a huge THANK YOU to you all.
I am celebrating with a Boost chocolate which I will eat later tonight when I get home from work - or maybe half before I go and the other half when I get back.
Have heaps to do but will try later tonight to up load some of the photos of my shopping splurge last week.
Take care everyone and have a great week !

TFTD : Climb that mountain, follow your star, achieve your dream. If you can dream it, you can be it.

TIAGF : Getting to goal (dare I say it - for the last time !!!!)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

29 sleeps to go !!!!

The title says it all - only 29 sleeps to go until Al gets back - YAY !!!!!! For some reason I don’t seem to be coping as well this time that he is away as I did last time - maybe because I seem to have a few more problems to deal with - but, whatever the reason, I know I am going to get through the next 29 sleeps and be waiting for him at the airport - lighter than when I was last there saying goodbye to him.
This is a bit of a long story so get comfy if you are want to read it all !!!!!
K and I have had a fantastic day today - going shopping !!!! Last week I bought myself a pair of denim shorts. Then I found a lovely black golf shirt - more fitting and shorter than any I have worn for a very long time and bought that from Crossroads. Yesterday I was out and my work longs were really uncomfortable - I am still wearing my size 16’s and 18’s with the tops rolled over trying to make them a little more comfortable because I couldn’t be bothered to go shopping for clothes. It is normally Al who gets me out there trying things on and buying clothes - he really has the patience of a saint as more often than not I try one thing on, am not happy with it, take it back to the rack and then can’t be bothered with anything else. Meanwhile he has chosen other things for me to try on so it goes. I am very lucky as I don’t know of anyone else whose husband is the one saying “You need some new clothes - lets go clothes shopping today” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I went out at lunchtime yesterday - not clothes shopping - just to get out the office and landed up walking past Katie’s - saw some sale racks and went in. Tried on some jeans for $20 - they fitted so nicely but had these big pockets in the front which looked just awful so I was rather disappointed about that. Next thing I was in SuzanneGrae - they were having a sale on longs - buy one pair and get the second pair for ½ price - well there wasn’t any point in only buying one pair, was there ????? So I came out of there with a black pair and a brown pair (they didn’t have navy which is the other colour I wanted). So went back to work feeling very happy with myself.
Last night I was going to take Kaitlin to the movies because she has been getting her exam results back this week and has done really well but the last couple of days she has been so full of attitude I told her if she didn’t change her attitude we wouldn’t be going - well she didn’t and so we didn’t. I told her that she knows well enough, if I say that is going to be her punishment, then that is what happens. Anyway, by the end of the evening she had pulled her head in quite a bit and was much better, which was great.
This morning we woke up and were meeting a friend at my folks’ place as she wanted them to make her a doona set for her bedroom - she landed up running about an hour late so it was after 10 before we got to the mall and K said that maybe we should leave muffins (but very quickly added - until tomorrow) and just have an early lunch which we did - twisted delight from Bakers Delight. I think we went into just about every clothing shop in the mall and I came out of Katies with two short sleeve tops, one long sleep top and left an order with them for one pair of navy longs which are being delivered there from one of their other stores, and out of Suzanne Grae with a short sleeve top. The tops are all more fitting and (obviously) smaller than the ones I am currently wearing - hope that they look okay. Will try them all on tomorrow with my new work pants and then can take any back once I have seen them with the pants in the light of day and in the space of my bedroom !!!! We were also looking for a red singlet for K to wear to PCYC - do you know that they don’t make red singlets with shoe string straps ???? They have black and white and blue and green and yellow and pink and peach and every other colour you could possibly think of but not red !!!! We eventually found a dark peach colour which she is going to use.
Then we drove up to Springwood to the Berlei Factory undies shop - another reason to open my wallet !!!!! And we came away from there with me the owner of some lovely new undies and K the very proud owner of some pink shoes (that look a little like ballet shoes and not something I would ever have imagined her wearing but they do look lovely on !!)
After that we stopped at Logan Hyperdome where we eventually found the dark peach coloured singlet and a striped ¾ sleeve top for me at Kmart. Then, we popped into Crossroads where I saw another ¾ sleeve top which we landed up buying.
That took up the whole day and we stopped at my folks’ to borrow their camera so that we can take some pics to send to Al - now that we have spent all the money the least we can do is show him what we bought !!!!!! Then we came home and were going to go for a cycle but it was so windy we went for a 45 minute walk instead - made me feel really good to do that - mind you, we must have walked about a gazillion steps around all the shops today anyway.
Got home after our walk, had a shower and then went to Australia Fair to see A Perfect Man which was an entertaining chick flick.
Tomorrow we are going to a factory shop (don’t know exactly where it is yet) - am not really sure what type of clothing they sell - there was a flyer in our post box and it looks like it might be sports gear - will see when we get there. I have also got a heap of washing which I need to do and we want to go for a cycle early before the wind picks up PLUS of course, the all important weekend muffin is still to be had. My food groups have been non-existent today - twisted delight for late breakfast/early lunch, 1/2 box smarties at the movies and two slices of toast with avo for dinner !!!! But, I did drink some Powerade instead of Diet Pepsi once today so that was good !!!!!!
On that rather long rambling note, I am out of here. Hope that you are all having a wonderful weekend - take care and be good !

TFTD : Don’t compromise yourself - you are all that you have got.

TIAGF : Going into shops and being able to buy things off the rack that fit and make me feel good !

Friday, September 09, 2005

AJ is right ..... again !!!

AJ was totally spot on when she said that you mustn’t expect to lose your problems just because you have lost the weight – how true that statement was for me this week. While I am normally quite happy just muddling along with all that has to be done – this week I have really been thrown problems that have taken time and effort to try to resolve. While they are not actually resolved as yet, the control I have over them is no longer there so I have put them in the “Waiting for a result” basket” and that is where they will stay until they are resolved.
The good thing is that I have realised that I do not have to turn to food to resolve the problems and while there have been many instances during the past few days and nights when I would gladly have given my right arm just to feed my face, I have managed to find alternative ways of coping. Does this mean I will never turn to a chocolate bar or biscuit when I am upset and trying to work something out ? No. Does this mean I have won the battle this time around ? Yes !!! And for that I am grateful – if I have done it once, I can do it in the future and while it may not be every time in the future at least I know that it can be done by me (because I have read too many success stories where the person says how they managed to overcome it and thought – well that is all very well for you but that doesn’t mean I can do it).
Food wise I have been within my points each day but my choices, in terms of the food groups, hasn’t been the best. Water has been awful and exercise (apart from pilates which was really great) has been non-existent. But, I have filled my water jug this morning and have already had one glass – long may it continue !!!!!
On to some good news – Kaitlin and I are probably going to visit Al in Taipei in December so that is something to look forward to.
I have been touched by the comments and e-mails which I have received over the past week from so many of you who read this journal – e-mails from people saying how much they have enjoyed reading about my journey which has brought me to where I am today. It has been so inspiring for me – as you may or may not be aware, I started this to use as a tool to keep myself motivated and accountable so that I could actually get to goal this time but I am just blown away by the number of people I seem to have inspired along the way – thank you for acknowledging that and making me feel like I have made a difference.
Take care everyone, be good and have a great weekend !

TFTD : This is rather long – it was sent to me by a special friend in England but it really just says it all for me right now !

Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love, the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly. The best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Do not dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope,
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been,
But also where you are going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.


TIAGF : The lovely sayings which friends send to let you know that you are thought of.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Loss of 0.6kg - YAY !!!!!!!

I am now down to within 1kg of goal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, to think that I nearly didn’t go to weigh tonight. I have been feeling fat and frumpy and bloated and just awful today (seem to have recovered from the head cold that kept me indoors most of the weekend) and was contemplating not even bothering to go. In fact, everything just seemed to hard for me today.
Anyway, jumped on the scale and was so pleased when I saw the magic figure of 68.0 come up then it flashed down to 67.9 then back up to 68.0 and after another flash down, settled on 68.0 (not that I got my week’s money back - but at least I can go and weigh before paying in the future !!!!)
I am so happy about finally getting there - I am now in the same position that I was in in May 2000 - I never thought that it would take me this long to get back to goal, but then, I never thought that I would put on nearly double what I lost during the first half of 2000 either !!!!!
On my way home from work (while contemplating whether to go to weigh or not) I was trying to work out where the easiest and quickest place would be to go and buy a chocolate (or two !!) Now I think I will rather just have a WW hot chocolate dessert and keep focussed because I don't want to put on next week and have to pay again !!!! Hopefully I will be able to drop another 1-2kgs and then have that little to play around with without too much trouble.
I went to the chiro today and he has helped my back a bit - will be back to see him on Wednesday. Now that I am going to someone so much closer to where I work, it will be easier to get to see him when I can feel something needs to be done rather than waiting for our normal monthly adjustment - am sure that will do heaps to keep my back pain under control.
Am busy with a letter re the roll cages and in it I want to raise the issue of OH&S with regards to the height that the cartons are stacked at that we have to pack. While a flat top may not be the ideal height - it is certainly a lot better then the height that we are meant to pack from on the roll cages.
Take care everyone and have a great week !

TFTD : Ideals are like stars: You will not succeed in touching them with your hands, but like the sea-faring man on the ocean desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them, you reach your destiny.

TIAGF : The loss which reflects the effort I put into a healthier lifestyle this week

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Not much better

Well I woke up this morning feeling not much better - but actually am feeling a bit better now (having said that we had to walk up a couple of flights of stairs today and boy did I feel buggered when I got to the top of them !!!) . I have been having vitamin C and am on my second bottle of gatorade - don't know what that will do to my loss this week as it tastes quite sweet so I am sure that the sugars in it must count for something.
The weather here has been a little windy and miserable - we were going to go to the craft market to wish my Dad happy father's day but are now going to catch up with him when they get home from their market rather than going down there in the wind.
Had to go to Ormeau to drop of something with a guy to take it back for Al and then just came home and managed to catch up on my blog reading.
Am planning on spending the rest of the day on the bean bag again. We were going to go out for dinner tonight to celebrate Father's Day but unless the wind drops I think we will be staying at home and having something here.
Have a great week everyone and take care !

TFTD : Your big opportunity might be right where you are now.

TIAGF : Feeling better than I did yesterday.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Feeling lousy

This is a short post today - I am feeling absolutely lousy. I have been waking up feeling half lousy this week but nothing seemed to develop until this morning. Woke up feeling really awful - we had a few things to do this morning so went and did them and then spent the rest of the day on the bean bag.
Needless to say I have done no exercise, have had very little water to drink and haven't had much to eat either.
Last night we went to Brisbane to the Riverfest Chalk and Cheese which was really good but even better was meeting Kellee - we really enjoyed the music and it was a pity to have to leave. We will try to catch the show when it is on the Gold Coast next weekend.
I have an appointment with a new chiro on Monday morning so hopefully he will be able to help me with my back as I, once again, had to roll out of bed this morning.
Take care everyone and enjoy the rest of your weekend !

TFTD : To get the best out of a man, go to what is the best in him.

TIAGF : Soft tissues and my bean bag

Friday, September 02, 2005

A lovely day off

I seem to have had a busy few days lately - not really sure why - oh yes, I do know - because I have been walking in the evenings !!!!! YAY for the exercise !!
I went for a longer walk last night - I have to say that I find it rather boring walking by myself - it is much better when Al is with me and we can talk or look at things together. I asked K to get our MP3 player out (it is quite old but I am sure will still do the trick) - the only problem was that the batteries were flat so will have to buy some more either today or tomorrow and then if I have that with me I am sure it will help to pass the time. I started out walking quite quickly but then started day dreaming a little and found myself walking slower and slower until I realised it and sped up again.
I had a route sort of planned in my head but then got a call to say that Al was on Skype so turned one road earlier and sped up home. They must have done something with the Skype programme as it is much better this time around - we have used it most nights without any problem. We even managed to get hold of Al this morning (it is Gold Coast Show day today - YAY !!!) and, while we were woken at 7.15 with a phone call from someone who needs to take something back for Al, the morning got better as K got up and brought me breakfast in bed. Such a good girl - most of the time !!!!!!
Then we went and cycled the two routes that I walked this week - 3.5kms and 5.3kms - so that was good now at least I have a distance for the two walks and can either try to make them longer or take less time to walk them.
We are off to Brisbane this afternoon to the Riverfest and my folks are going to come with us - I am sure that we will enjoy it and it will be good to do something different.
Take care, be good and have a great weekend !

TFTD : Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.

TIAGF : The motivation to get out there and exercise.