What was different this time ?

Someone asked me what I thought the difference was this time around with losing weight and actually getting to goal. Initially I didn’t really know but after having had a chance to think about it, I think these are some of the reasons for me reaching goal this time.

Support at home – while this has always been there and it certainly hasn’t changed this time around, from what I read in other people’s journals, I know that I am very lucky to have the support of my family as without that I very much doubt that I would have made it – they have been fantastic and deserve much of the credit. Thank you Al and Kaitlin – you are both fantastic and Al, I miss you stax.
Blogging – initially I was just reading a few journals when I wondered if that would be a tool I could use to stay on track and make myself more accountable for what I was doing. This has worked because, like Kate takes Mary shopping on occasions, I would think about what I would say about something I had done – would I tell you guys or would I pretend that it hadn’t happened. Then I realised that there was no point in doing this if I wasn’t going to be honest and so I made the decision that I would write about what I did – good or bad. That was sometimes the factor that made me not buy and eat that chocolate because I didn’t want to have to write it down in this forum for all to see. While I have always tracked, nobody ever actually reads what I write down in my tracker – very different to posting it on the internet !!!!! I have been more honest with my tracking instead of pointing things to make them fit into my allowance for the day !!!
Being more focused – this time I seem to have been a lot more determined to get to goal. In the past I have always wanted to get there but, looking back now, it was an ‘airy fairy’ kind of “I really want to get to goal” and then fed myself another chocolate / biscuit / dessert. This time I knew what I wanted and I tried to stay focused on the result. When we have people over, I cook something that is point friendly for me that everyone else will enjoy – before I would use having people over as an excuse to eat and not count the points because they were too high. I have also taken my own desserts when we have gone out (when it was to people I knew well enough to do that) because I wanted to make sure I didn’t go over points due to lack of planning. If we go somewhere and I am not comfortable with taking my own, I politely refuse or have just a really really small helping so as not to offend the hostess.
Water – for a lot of this journey I have made a concerted effort to drink water – not always 2L – sometimes I only drink 1L – sometimes I don’t drink any but I have certainly tried a lot harder to stay on top of it rather than drinking it for the first week or two and then not bothering anymore.
Self image – at my heaviest (weighing only slightly less than on my way to hospital to have Kaitlin) I really didn’t like looking at myself – not in a mirror, not in the clothes I was wearing, never !! We have a huge mirror on the wall in our bathroom – all the better to see every roll and flabby bit with and how I hated getting into and out of the shower and catching sight of myself in that blasted mirror. I hated having to try to find clothes that fitted me because I could never find things that I was happy with – I did buy clothes because I had to wear something but I never felt like I looked good. I knew I was coming up to my 40th birthday this year and the term “Fat, frumpy and forty” used to go through my head – enough to make me decide one day that enough was enough. If I didn’t do something about it, it would never happen because, at the end of the day, it had to be me that made the decisions re what went into my mouth - nobody was holding a gun to my head and forcing me to eat the foods which were keeping me fat – I had to want to do it and I had to want to do it for me. While making healthy choices benefits the whole family because we generally all eat the same food, it also means that I am likely to have less health problems in the future.
Food doesn’t make problems disappear – this is something that I wish I had learned years ago. When I have a problem to resolve – putting food into my mouth doesn’t solve the problem – it may make me feel good for a very short while, but the guilt afterwards is not worth the pleasure enjoyed while eating and, more importantly, the problem is still there. Unless I have done something to solve it, it will stay there, unresolved, no matter how much food I put in my mouth. This is a thought I have held onto on quite a few occasions when I have wanted to reach for the biscuit packet while trying to sort something out. Will putting this in my mouth help me to get to goal ? Will putting this in my mouth help me sort my problem out ? There are times when I still did eat – maybe I never thought long enough and there were times when I just didn’t care and ate because I wanted to, but, at the end of it, my problem was still there and my weight problem had just got a little bit bigger to get rid of. This really holds true for anything on the “Should I or shouldn’t I have this” list – if it was my yoghurt for breakfast or my sandwich for lunch – I never gave it another thought but I know the foods which would start this conversation for me – chocolates, biscuits, desserts, biscuits and dip, nuts, cheese, ice-cream – I think we all know the food I am talking about.

Whether or not this will help anyone, I don’t know but what I do know is these are some of the things which worked for me. I know we are all different – I know people who love to read the success stories in the WW magazine – I used to hate people even mentioning them because I would be jealous that those people had achieved their goal and I was still fiddling around losing and gaining the same kgs month in and month out. I always felt like such a loser (even thought I wasn't actually losing anything !) because they could do it and I couldn't. Maybe I should have read them - maybe I would have picked up some tips on what worked for them - maybe I would have got to goal sooner – who knows. It is about learning what works for you and sticking to it until you reach your goal whatever it may be.

Take care everyone and thanks again for your support – I know that this journal has been an major player in getting me here and the support of this network has to take some of the credit for my success too.

TFTD : The difference between success and failure isn’t always talent – often it is persistence.

TIAGF : Payday tomorrow