Thursday, February 09, 2006

Can't get my head around this

Yesterday, as I posted, I went and bought two pairs of size 10 pants. I had a look and couldn’t find any labels saying generous cut or words to that effect so presume that they are the normal size. They aren’t stretch denim so that isn’t it either. I am having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that I am wearing size 10 clothes. When I look at myself there is no ways that I look like a size 10 – size 10 people are small, they are generally tiny people with petit waists – they are nothing like me or is it that I am nothing like them ???

When I got home from work last night I chatted to Alan, replied to some mails and then checked my pants label again. Then I scratched around in the rubbish bin to find the tags to see what they said. I really don’t want to annoy anyone with going on about this – I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter what you look like, you will always have a mental picture of yourself that is probably very different to the reality of how you look. Good or bad I think this is how we are. I need to work on accepting the fact that I am at my lowest weight in I don’t know how many years and that my clothes sizes have dropped accordingly. Actually, when I think about it some more, maybe it is the clothing sizes which are slightly different. When we got married I weighed 49kgs (too thin, yes I know that now but I didn’t intentionally lose weight before I got married – it just happened !) – I would stay between 52-55 kgs and I am sure that I wore size 10s then – maybe that is what is wrong – I think that in order for me to be a size 10 I should be weighing 55kgs and can’t get the fact that at 9kgs heavier I am still a size 10.

This brought me onto thinking about something else (which M and I were chatting about the other night) – I always feel like I need to apologise for having ‘only’ lost 22kgs. The first time I joined WW in Australia I had to lose 10kgs – which I did and got to goal - only to shoot up to an all time high (apart from when I was pregnant) of 86kgs with 19kgs to lose. I have to stop apologizing for what I have lost and acknowledge the fact that I have done it and while there might be people out there who have lost either more or less than me, that doesn’t take away from what I have accomplished. Like my journal, this is my journey and the ups and downs along the way. And, just because someone has it easier or tougher than me, doesn’t make my battles any easier or tougher to overcome – it just means that they are my battles to deal with.

TFTD : You've got to get up every morning with determination if you are going to go to bed with satisfaction.

TIAGF : The motivation I have found to continue with this journey


Blogger Kate said...

Maybe it's because you are doing more exercise than you did last time you were a size 10? Or maybe sizes have changed since then? Whichever way, it will take a while for your head to accept it - but woohoo anyway!!

6:28 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

I don't get it - 'only lost 22kg?' That's an amazing achievement and certainly nothing to apologise for!

2:07 AM  
Blogger M said...

Well done Linda. And it may take a while for the acceptance of your efforts to be an instinctive thing - rather than something you consciously have to think about. You have done an AMAZING thing by losing 22kgs and maintaining that loss. You continue to be active, you continue to make good choices, and you are able to indulge a little without it making a difference in your size.

Size 10 is size 10 and as our bodies change the weight redistributes itself in different places. So the size itself may still be the same but fit different - if that makes sense?

Either way you have done a great job and continue to do it. I am looking forward to seeing the size 10's. Maybe I should buy the size 12's off you :D

Have a great day Linda and a wonderful flight. See you at the airport :)

12:12 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

How wonderful being a size 10! Of course you are that size by the way, you only weight 64 kilos. I just so wish I could find that extra determination to get to my goal.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Thinner Nancy said...

Oh my god! Size 10! I would love that! I am now fitting into a smaller size too and I have to take BF with me shopping otherwise I buy clothes 4 sizes too big! I can't get used to being in a small size either!
22kgs is a great effort! You should be proud of yourself!

2:51 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Size 10 is great, and you sooo deserve to be there :-)

Have a cool weekend in Sydders!!!

3:33 PM  
Blogger Briony said...

Yay for size 10's - whatever you weigh. You have done an amazing job losing 22 kilos, you have also found that you can maintain your weight, which I think is a bigger challenge than losing the weight. Have a fabulous weekend, I wish I could be there.

6:30 PM  
Blogger Yummy Mummy said...

Size 10 is a size 10 - Have you got this months WW mag??? There is a girl there that lost 5kg - but she has learnt how to live right and make wises choices... That is what it is all about - maintaining a healthy lifestyle - it not about how much weight you have lost!!

Stop worrying and have the most wonderful weekend away!!(49kg - OMG)

8:02 PM  
Blogger Kellee said...

Wohoo for size 10! It's all about shape, dear. When you saw me I was a size 10 too and I was about the same weight as you. I always think my mum is smaller than me, but she's a 12 -it's just that she's got a different shape. I think you look fab anyway.

I hope that you have a wonderful weekend with everyone this weekend. You really deserve to do something lovely for yourself! Glad you're feeling more positive too.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Jules said...

I think 22kg is a massive achievement. You try walking around for one day with a 10kg bag of potatoes on each shoulder and another 2kg of apples draped around your neck. I think you will quickly realise how far you have actually come and how much healthier your life is now.
But, not only your personal achievement, but the constant commenting and inspiring you do for the rest of us who still have to finish the journey. Thank you.

6:53 AM  
Blogger Kt said...

22kgs is a whole shitload missy! I will be estatic when i've lost 22kg!
a 10 is a 10 & like Kate said, it could come down to exercise & your body composition - I have know people who h are similar height & weight to me but i can fit a smaller clothes size & i put it down to exercise - my bmi makes me obese but my body fat is only slightly above average
I say embrace the ten!

12:39 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

See, nothing to worry about :-)

I like Jules' take on carrying a 10kg bag of potatoes on each shoulder plus 2 kgs of apples round your neck. You've gotta admit, that sure puts it all in perspective. You've come a long way, are keeping it off and that is amazing. You are such a beautiful person both inside and out.

I was so nervous to see you on Saturday. I don't know if you noticed but I couldn't stop staring at you! I probably should have tried talking to you more LOL. You look fantastic!

3:21 PM  

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