Finally, I've taken the step

and gone back to WW. I have been trying to get there for the past two weeks but due to circumstances beyond my control, I haven’t made it across their threshold.

I made it this week despite Al saying I should leave it until I feel better. I have had this headache since last Thursday and have not been able to shake it off and it made him think that I should wait until I was fully recovered before going to WW. The problem with that is that there is always going to be a reason for why I should wait until next week – another dinner, another Christmas function, another birthday, another anniversary or even worse, waiting until my head is in the right space and then before I know it, it will be January 2008 and I will be at least another couple of kilos heavier. So, while I won’t be able to lose all I would like to before Christmas, at least I know I have to face the scales each week and that does help to keep my on track and there is the chance that I could actually be a couple of kilos lighter by Christmas.

I was very sad to open my WW book and see just how far I have let things get out of hand – the last time I weighed in I was nearly 5kgs below my goal weight – now I have 13.3 kilos to lose just to get BACK to goal. There are so many things I could blame but the bottom line is blaming anyone but myself is just rubbish – nobody force fed me the junk I chose to eat. Nobody sat there with a gun to my head saying “Eat this or I will kill you (or your child or husband)”. And, to be honest, blaming myself will get me exactly nowhere. What is in the past, is in the past. I can look back and say “Geez I made some crap decisions at times when it came to my food choices” and move on (as always) looking to the future and to what I am able to accomplish.

Once again I have let my weight get the better of me and even worse I have let it stop me from doing things I wanted to do but wouldn’t because I was too embarrassed about how I looked. I won’t say that it won’t happen again because I guess until I get these excess kilos off I will still be embarrassed about how I look, the positive thing is that I am doing something about it rather than bemoaning the fact that I am over-weight and hate how I look. I realise that not being able to fit into my clothes comfortably is my own fault but now I can look forward to being able to see this body shrinking and, in the future, not being able to wear these same horrible clothes because they will be too big for me and not because I am too big for them.

I know that I will get to goal again – maybe not in the time frame I would like (because I am always too impatient and it never comes off quick enough for me) but I will get there because I have made the commitment to go back to WW and that is the only way that I get to goal – sad as that may seem to some, having to face that scale each week is something that is a powerful motivator for me and I try to hold the picture of the scale in my head when I have decisions to make about food – sometimes I am successful and sometimes not quite as successful but I will be heading in the right direction – downwards on the scales.

So, for those of you who have been with me on this journey before, thank you for your support and your friendship and for any new readers who would like to join me on my journey to goal – welcome and I hope you enjoy the ride !

TFTD : When you cease to dream, you cease to live

TIAGF : The wonderful rain we have been getting