The weekend - thank goodness !!!

Flutterbye got me thinking after a post the she wrote last week – why is it that we don’t think we are worth spoiling ? At the time I left a comment saying that we should spoil ourselves because we deserve it but the last couple of nights at work I have really been thinking about it some more.

For a while my motto has been “Life is too short to do things you don’t want to do” – while I know that there are some things which you just have to do no matter what you feel about them, when I have a choice, why do I choose what I know will make someone else happy ? Why do I put others before myself ? Why do I feel guilty when I want to do things for me ? Or even worse, when I am doing something for me, I spend the time feeling guilty because I feel I shouldn’t be doing it ? Why do I feel like I am being a bad mother / wife / work colleague if I do something for myself or say no I can't do something for someone else ? Why do I feel obliged to say yes when my heart is screaming NO NO NO ????? This is not to say that I am never selfish – there are times when I am selfish but those times are spent feeling guilty because I am doing what I want and that may be at the expense of someone being able to do what they want to do.

So, I have decided that I am going to occasionally start doing things that I want to do, not necessarily for any particular reason, but because I can, because I want to and because it is for me ! I am going to stop giving myself the last few slices of the loaf for sandwiches – the others can have a turn at having those, I’m going to choose the DVD I would like to see – not the one that I think the others will enjoy, if I am sharing something out between us and there are only two left – I might get one of the two left and one of the others will have to miss out. Whatever it is I am going to try to start putting myself first some of the time and more importantly, I am going to work on not feeling guilty about it. There are many occasions when I have done things for myself but it really defeats the object of the exercise if I feel guilty while doing it.

I am now in a position where I feel like I am in control of what I am putting into my mouth (at least most of the time) and I need to take back control of the thoughts I am putting into my head and my attitude towards everything around me. I can make the changes that I want in my life but it is something that I am going to have to work on because it like any new habit – it has to be learnt. I have given my power away to others and not stood up for myself when I should have. This is definitely not a fool proof plan but at least it is something for me to work towards this year – that and keeping my weight under control. Although I have to say that right now I am really positive about my weight and my ability to maintain – especially with the support of all you wonderful people out there.

I am off to friends for dinner and then an early night in bed. Tomorrow we have to go and buy a lawn mower and then off to the hair dresser for my new colour and then hopefully our new mattresses will be delivered soooooooooooooo I may even wake up on Sunday morning feeling like a whole new person - able to walk away from my bed, not having had to roll out of bed like I was 9 months pregnant and hobble around for the first ½ hour of the day – how fan-bloody-tastic would that be !!!!!! I hope that you all have a great weekend – take care and be good. Remember – you owe it to yourselves and your families to be healthy and happy - because you are worth it !!!!

TFTD : It isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others – sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

TIAGF : The weekend ahead of me